DAY 635 the marriage spiral that we have to stop

24 10 2014

Its been one busy week. I got to go to 2 concerts of bands that got me through in Green Rover Ordinance and Yellowcard. I also had been men’s group and today we (Rock Bottom Outreach) got to speak at Euless Jr High all day. I love doing it but sometimes you see kids 11-14 go through and it brings a tear to your eye. So much pain but at least we can share our stories and hopefully get someone out of their hell. Tonight I get  to hear the most beautiful little lady sing her first 7th grade choir concert. My daughter and son are amazing if I never mentioned it.

I had a pretty deep conversation the other night about marriage and where it starts and where it goes. This in no means all marriages but now the divorce rate is at 57% (which I’m not sure how that number works) but marriages stats aren’t good.

You find someone who makes your stomach full of butterflies. You want to spend every minute with them, never hang up the phone with them, the next day can’t come soon enough.  You love the smell of her hair, the way when you hold hands it fits perfectly, when she looks at you there is no other place in the world you want to be. You do anything for, you get up early make her coffee, you take care of a project for her, you buy her something only you and her know she likes. Forward: You meet her parents and she meets yours, you act like you not scare but you get that way because she thinks your family is weird and vice versa.  You have your first fight and you react in a way you never have, she says things to you that you have never heard about yourself. Life happens and she runs from and you have to go catch her? You want to change her and she wants to fix you. Your thinking is this what true love is and why are they acting this way. You really like so many things about that person but the things you don’t are really bad. You somehow forget the bad long enough to find a ring and spend a lot of money on something that you’re not sure but you lover her and you know how the process works. You surprise her and her friends think you’re the best. She says yes and now you sit back and are told to just show up to your wedding. In the meantime you start hanging out with your friends that are already married and they tell you how so much is about to change. She hears from her friends and hear this is whats going to happen and you can’t let me do these things. The day finally comes and it is amazing but you almost don’t remember any of it because you were so busy with other people. You look at her and say I have never sen such a beautiful woman and she thinks wow he is so amazingly handsome. It’s the last time you look at each other that way. Even bringing up your wedding photos you can’t remember. You both find out where you want to move get a house, car, decide to have children and then life goes into a different direction. She wants to be a mom more than anything, you want to be a dad but your so scared because you have no idea what to do. You agree and get lucky and now your pregnant. Your ready books and get the house ready and at the same time your drifting apart. Shes thinking how to be the best mom were thinking, how do you pay for all of this, what do I do. You both stopped working on your relationship. You stop dating, and really only talk about being parents.  The baby gets here and its a magical day but your so scared. Your sleep deprived, your afraid and you stop having a relationship with each other. The relationship is just about the kids. One year later at the 1 year old party you both look back put on your fake smile for everyone else and realize I have no idea who I married where did they go. You haven’t dated, you haven’t slept, bills are piling up. The guy starts coming home because (he’s working) He’s actually hiding. She stops feeling loved. You start fighting more and saying things you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. You go to some vacations and rekindle some love but once back in your environment the relationship drifts apart. You decide to have another child to fix it (The relationship). You wake up with your second child. Your focus now is on kids, work other relationships, hobbies and you stop telling the one you love that I love you. You haven’t touched in months. You start really disliking each other. You finds ways to spend time apart and not together. You try because church or a friend knows your struggling. Your date no is what do you want to ea and time on your phone. You go home thinking I really don’t like him or her. You press on because you should but still don’t put in the effort. Your find starts drifting. Someone at work starts complimenting you. You start wish your husband or wife was like them.  Before you know it your fights are so bad you forget the kids are in the room, your drinking because its normal, and if that person lived or died you wouldn’t care. The word divorce is mentioned in a fight and right then and there life will never be the same. You stretch it out a bit more without ever working on it and now you come in and say I can’t do this anymore. You ask for a divorce they are  happy to give it. The papers are signed, kids are ripped open, you hate someone for the first time and can’t wait to be away from them or see them again. So now your one of the 57% and you decide that the other person was such an asshole that I didn’t do anything wrong in my relationship you go find another person who thinks just like you and the process starts again. Good thing is second marriage failure is 86%. This has to stop and Im only one person but the facts back it. Stop this now please. There is a lot of life left behind and hearts crushed.

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