Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

13 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.

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