Day 604 Have sex already man

21 09 2014

One of my most interesting weekends in a long time. I had a great time and even took a nap today. If you know me that’s a rarity. Friday night football in Texas is something you have to attend. It’s really remarkable how a whole town can be there. We went to speak and pray for two different teams on Friday. One in Bryson  Texas. 6 man football. It’s a town of about 500 people.  My friend Rick and I  get there and saw kids petting an animal. I said that’s a funny looking dog but when the kids stepped back it was a baby deer. The kids explained that  The mother deer had died,  the kids at the school started feeding it and taking care of the deer. It’s the most friendly animal ever. I leaned down to get a pic and it kissed me. Only in small town Texas on a Friday night do I get tongue kissed by a deer.

Tyler deer

 

Those who know me and read this blog for a while know Im trying really hard to be a man who is patterning himself to be like Jesus. I fail so often, my mouth is like  a sailor, Im inappropriate with jokes, I still get pretty angry sometimes, but the one thing I can say is when it comes to sex I have done a damn good job in following what I should. I love sex and always have and I have hurt a lot of women with my selfish desires in my lifetime. I have created soul-ties and scars on women that I never should have. Sure they were responsible too but I’m a man and my job is to lead and show a woman how she should be treated not treat her like every other man has. Since August of 2011 I ve had sex 3 times. That’s 3 to many too. One of them was more of I want to do it and get it over with. the other two were because I was dating and did it. It’s not that they weren’t enjoyable just wrong. Last time was last November and yes Im dying and I want it like any other man but I know if I do that I can’t defend women from me. That I putting my desires above whats best for them. Im not looking for a Jesus Christ trophy or way to go but Im trying to show others and myself that if you have sex with someone you don’t care about its a killer even at my age.

Yesterday I saw a friend of mine and he told, so proud of you and your journey and how your helping others etc.. After about 5 minutes he said I know you’re not dating anyone but are you scoring. (I know ladies we are pigs and you don’t want to know what we say about you when your not around!)I said no you know I trying not to. It said whats wrong with you, we as men need it, it feels good, it would calm you down too. He grabs my shoulder and said just have sex man nobody is going to think less of you. I told him maybe but I will and that’s too much to bear. I explained to him that we all want to be loved and have people think that we are the best thing under the sun. One of the only ways we truly show it is through sex. If I knowingly have sex with someone I don’t care about but just need to get my rocks off then that makes me a pretty shitty man. I said have you ever sat down in front a woman and asked her for forgiveness for taking something (sex) that didn’t belong to you? If you have never watched a woman cry big tears because 1. a man has never  apologized for having sex with her when I didn’t care 2. I left a wound on her that she carried 20 years later. I said I have and Im trying not to do that again one because I don’t want to have another woman cry over me in that way, but I have a daughter and she deserves better to. I have to be an example starting now. He said I don’t understand but i want to. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done and many times I want to pick up the phone, call, drive over and be done. The feelings that come with that are indescribable. Not saying I wont fail and do it maybe even tomorrow but Im trying to be what Jesus asked.

So Im not better than any man that’s not trying it Im just trying to be the example that I had never  had been before. It’s hard to get up and tell young men and grown man how to overcome when you’re not doing different. I also know that If I can fight my desires that when I fall in love again it will be love and not lust. I failed in the lust war so its time to try love.

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5 responses

21 09 2014
triciamoore78

You can do it! Eeer….not do it, I mean! 😉 Stay strong! I believe in you!

24 09 2014
susielindau

Good for you! I am finishing up, Catcher in the Rye,” and the main character struggles with this too.
Thanks for coming to the party! Have fun clicking on links and meeting my friends!

24 09 2014
Kassandra Lamb

Hey, Tyler, I came over from Susie’s Place and I’m glad I did. It sounds like you are getting intuitively what most men and also many women never get. Sex for humans can be a bonding experience (I know this stuff because I’m a psychologist). Indeed, I think God intended it to be a bonding experience so that we humans would want to form families and stick together long enough to raise our kids.

I’m not saying that it’s impossible for people to have sex and not experience that bonding. They certainly can (it’s easier for men than for women, which is the attitude you are encountering with your male friends). But both parties have to go into the experience knowing they are just doing it for the pleasure and release and are not going to have any kind of relationship with each other. (I’m not recommending this; I’m just stating that it can be done.)

But even then, sometimes one person or the other ends up feeling that bond afterwards. It’s very painful to break that bond when you realize the other party doesn’t feel the same way. That’s what you’re seeing these women experience–the pain of trying to break that bond.

So stay strong. You are doing the right thing. I’ll be praying that the right woman will cross your path soon–someone you can truly bond with and love.

24 09 2014
The Regular Guy NYC

Dropping by from Susie’s party. Stay strong and follow the path you are on. Sex is a delicate matter and we all think about it differently.

25 09 2014
sticklebean

Dropping over from Susie’s party and I really hope that you reap the rewards of all your effort, most men would not have lasted as long as you have! Good on you!

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