Day 600 Do you believe in me really?

18 09 2014

Trying to protect yourself from your kids and all of the other germ factories in their school is like trying to protect yourself from a rain cloud. We are all three sick. I’m better and now they are sick. With all the booggies, sneezing, Kleenex and washing hands we look like a soap opera.

We all search for the meaning in life. I’m searching for my meaning maybe when I find mine I can help you find yours. I can say I’m about as close as I will ever be. Yesterday I had the opportunity  speak to Brock  high school and Jr, high along with  30 adults.It accounted for around 425 kids.   The sense of being where your supposed to be is so peaceful to me. Sure I get nervous but it’s not for the reasons you think. I could care less what other people think of me, how they judge me or watch someone drop their jaw when I say the things I do. I get nervous because I have one shot to have the words that are needed. I pray to God that I can say the one thing that a kid or adult walks out with and sad that big bald guy said not to do this or do that.  The stories are true and I’m not lying about any of it. I just become peaceful because maybe one child walks away and their life changes and they don’t walk down the path of destruction I did. When you have a path of destruction not only do you hurt yourself but you’re dragging others along your nail ridden path too. You see kids looking at you like what a weirdo but when your done they know that they heard the truth. What they choose to do with it is up to them. When the talks were  over I got to shake a few hands and one girl named Brooke said to me. Do you believe the things you told us? I paused because I knew what I said next mattered. I said without a shadow of a doubt I  believe it and I believe in you. Whatever it is that is causing you confusion or anger you have to believe that it can change. She said I hope so and I have to go to class but thanks for pour your heart out.  I said wow and shook hands with her.

I was there in life and especially that age. I had a life nobody knew of and because the way I was wired I m not sure I believed anything except I can’t sit back and keep going down the path in life. I have to believe its going to be better and I had to believe in me. I believed I could things but wasn’t sure I could do good things. I felt her pain and wanted to do for more for her but I know she heard me. Its time like that I got in my car and prayed and thanked God that I got the chance.  Then I had a long drive back to Dallas where I questioned everything about what I said and did I make a difference. Do I believe in me?

No matter how far I’ve come I still struggle with me. The worst beatings I’ve ever had in my life I administered them to myself. I ask myself and sometimes and I always want to ask others Do you believe in me really? Sure you might say it doesn’t matter what others say. It does  and to know that someone believes in you because their not getting something from you that ,but they believe in you because they see things you can’t is an amazing feeling. Its been a long time since I believed in me and thought I had found what I should be doing. AS this journey continues to push on I ask that you pray for me to continue to believe that I can do this and that lives change because of my story and not me. God put us on this earth to help others and I finally believe  that I may be doing that.

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