Day 582 You cant be both parents

30 08 2014

My kids both finished their first week of school. My daughter started 7th grade and my son kindergarten. When I picked them up yesterday they had so much to tell me and I can understand why they were exhausted. I was just listening and was tired. My son said that being in kindergarten was going to make him a man. That is funny and I think he believes it.

When I hear a parent say I have to be both my either mom or dad I cringe. I understand what you’re trying to say but you have to stop saying. I cannot be a mom and if your female you can’t be a dad. It’s impossible because you have no clue what its like to be the other sex or what its supposed to be like. You can read all you want but its impossible.  It’s like asking a white person to be a black person you can’t do it.That’s because we need different things from each parent, and while many of us make it through childhood just fine without a father, it doesn’t lessen the yearning for one, or fill the hole caused by his absence. I’ll speak for just me here: Fatherlessness hurts sons and daughters, of course. But I’m focusing on males for several reasons. (1) Our culture spends enough time on women and girls and not nearly enough on boys and men. (2) Males are different from females in that they have a propensity to act out on their personal pain, and society suffers as a result. Women’s pain is more internally focused. (3) Boys are ‘men in the making’ and are therefore harmed by fatherlessness in a primal and unique way.The reality is, woman can’t be Dad. No matter how much u love you son, You can never identify with his masculinity. U can’t know or feel it the way his father can. U can’t teach your son what it means to be a man. U can’t help him navigate puberty the way U can your daughter. Boys need men. I understand that many men aren’t in their kids life but you a mom and only a mom. If you tell your child that I’m the dad your telling him that you are doing what a man can for him and that’s false and always will be.

Im caring, loving, a giver, and I know what a woman needs from a mans perspective but how dare I think that I could ever replace her mom because Im the other parent. There are things that a woman goes through that I could never understand. I could read about it,  ask women, but I just can’t do it. I truly believe that  if men would step up and be fathers 75% of the problems in the world would be fixed. Just because the other parent is missing doesn’t mean you are the other parent. Just look at your own life and see the absence of the parent that was missing and how hard and emotional that was. Im sure I’ll get a lot of push-back but ask counselors, teachers, coaches what the problems are and its the parent that’s missing not the one that’s there. Just keep doing what you do as mother or father. Its hard enough just doing that and your great at doing that.

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One response

30 08 2014
Lindsay Weir

Thanks for sharing that! 😀

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