Day 568 2 years divorced tomorrow

20 08 2014

I had the best vacation I can remember.  My whole family went that included my mother, sister nephew, my kids and myself. We haven’t done that since I was 10. I worried with all of us with ADD in the car we would smack each other repeatedly. I can say it was so much better than I cold have thought. One of the coolest thing and a side I had never seen of my mom is that she rode every ride we did at Schiltterbahn water park.. She has Parkinson’s and said she can still do everything she used to. It surprised us but it shouldn’t she one’s one f the greatest women God every created. She is an example for any woman to follow and I just got lucky enough to call her my mom. We even got a few pics which made me happy and its memories I can’t forget.

At 9:10 August 20 2012 I was divorced in the Denton County Courthouse.  It was a day I was so ready for but yet had no clue how to feel, what to do or who to tell.  I wanted our marriage to stay together for our kids but I promise it was best for both of them that we go our own ways.  When everything changes in life you either go to ways together or apart. We were the unlucky ones who couldn’t keep it together and that morning sitting next to her I felt like every single memory good or bad just rushed at me in a 5 minute span. People think when they file papers that they are divorced. i will argue with you until you actually hear the gavel hot the desk and its over you truly don’t understand what its like to be divorced. 4 1/2 minutes and 14 years of a part of my life ended quicker than it  began. I walked out that morning weak kneed and sick at my stomach. Why for something you know you wanted and needed so bad could make you feel so empty and alone.

Lets fast forward to today. I would love for my kids sake for them to be together and in a healthy home. It didn’t happen but here’s what did. I still fall short, Im still lonely, not always sure of myself but because I was divorced: Im a better man, MAN being the key word, Im not a little boy searching for something that I won’t find, Im a better christian man, Im a better giver, better man for the next woman who gives me a chance to prove that to her, Im honest, Im humble, I see pain and have true compassion for people who before I could have cared less about. Im vulnerable, I protect the ones I love, and the biggest thing Im a great daddy. My children are my world and I know that their chance of succeeding in life is far better today and Im an actual example that they can be proud of.

You see sometimes no matter how much you loved or thought you were loved two people cannot be married. We fell in love early and grew apart not because of the other one but because we needed to find something in us that we were missing.  We didn’t come into each others life because we weren’t supposed to be there we were and learn from each other. I know we both did that and even though we have our differences I think we can both say that we better for being together for 14 years. We work together for our kids and there’s not much more one can ask of the other. Two years ago I was a weak kneed, empty soled boy who was so lost but today I have a soul and its a bright burning light not only for me but any others that care to have a piece of me. Thank you for always reading and following my journey. It’s funny because I hated writing and now I am a writer because I was divorced.

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