Day 524 Im sorry I took so much

7 07 2014

Had a great weekend with my babies and nephew. We went to a water park and I suck at putting on sunscreen. I have so many splotches and streaks my body looks like a bad american flag. I really try but every time I  try to get my back it’s just a disaster. I know get my kids to help but they get there and runoff so quick I’m left to make a mess of myself.

Sometimes getting away is all you need to be able to think clearly and getting the mind working in the right direction. After my trip to Colorado and Kansas last week I have made some big decisions which i will tell you about in a few weeks. In the moments of silence  while we driving I thought about what i took. Yes I’m a giver by nature but most of my life I did what was best for me. Sure I gave and gave but I took so much from life. When I gave I expected to receive. I mostly never gave just because I wanted a pat on the back and I wanted acknowledgement on how great I was doing.  I was never fulfilled even when I got the supposed want. I was a taker and I wondered why life never gave me back what I thought I deserved. I got it back but I thought it was usually crap I got back.  I have really tried in the past 3 years to give back and I mean truly give back. Most people think giving back is all about money and that’s so false. Yes giving money is a part of giving and believe in the past year I have been given a lot in that category. The giving I’m talking about is with your time, your expertise, sometimes just listening, sometimes telling your story, but mostly giving yourself to others so they know that they are normal and going to be okay. Opening your heart, your home, and your soul is what life is all about.

Believe me its tough and being vulnerable is downright hard but I have learned with all the criticism and attacking comes some major heartfelt breakthroughs and lives changed. I’m so sorry I took so much from the word and you. You didn’t deserve but I know the only times I have been truly happy and felt like I was living is when I m giving of me. Talking to my friend Rick Smith Thursday morning he said your pentance is paid but its time to give and give and give. To be continent we can continue to take or we can give and life can be fulfilled. Even with empty pockets we can give. I ve made a choice that I am giving because it’s the only thing that makes me happy and with the heart being giving i can pass that alone so my kids can find the true meaning in life. For those that have helped me this year see it your are more appreciated than I can ever tell you. Not sure where I would I would be without your support: Chris D. Jim M, Cody T. Tama C. Dane E.  and my mom who has given everything to everybody and never expected anything in return.




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