Day 503 A really great reunion/Fathers Day

15 06 2014

Our 20 year reunion was last night and it was great. Seeing people I haven’t seen in 10/20 years and see that everyone got along and treated each other with such respect.. I put the reunion together  not to get a gold ribbon but to make sure that we got to get together. I got hugs and thank you from everyone. It was truly appreciated and real happy night.  For those that missed it you missed a really good time.

This is a day of mixed emotions for sure. Is miss my dad greatly. This is my 9th Father Day’s without him. With the sadness of him not being here there is a great sense of peace as well. December 7th 2011 I was able to forgive my dad at his grave and ask for forgiveness for me. That day changed my life and has helped me work on a being a great. Sometimes as parents we just do the best we can. We may not  have the knowledge or the pain runs to deep to be able to move on to be a great parent.  I know my dad loved me and he poured his heart on his deathbed to let me know so. I was to busy trying to think of reasons not to believe and didn’t hear his words until years later. I remember the nights and days that he sat at the edge of his bed staring at the floor and now I only wonder the horrible thoughts he was thinking of himself has he was also coughing up pieces of his lungs into a bucket. He worked his ass off 14 -16 hrs a day but life just didn’t workout for him. He left me his burden on me and  I would walk by and tell myself see I’m a man, I’m taking the world on my shoulders as you sit and rot away and quit on us. Im so glad that those feelings are gone and I appreciate  the small things about him. He taught me so much when I would listen. His smile was amazing and when he told me he loved me I would die to hear that one more time. This day maybe has some sadness but it comes with more happiness knowing I appreciate the man who I didn’t really know. He told me the week before he died that being a dad was the greatest accomplishment he had since his kids turned out so well. He made me promise that I would never take being a dad for granted and it took me 9 years to learn but I agree there is nothing better.

At 3:30 today I get my babies for a few hours with them and there is not a better gift than that.  I promise I struggle I lay awake at night and wonder am I good at this, am I teaching them what they need to be successful, what am I doing wrong, I pray to God and tell him I have no idea what I am doing.  Especially being a single dad I probably worry or question more. I do know this when I see my kids after a week they run to me and hug me my heart melts but then I hear the words I love you daddy. The world is better place and I feel like Im doing something right.

Men being a daddy is a gift. If you haven’t been involved or good father you can always start now. Kids forgive and we got to show them that they are loved by us or they will go find it somewhere else. I know a lot of amazing fathers and I know its hard but Im so proud of you all. Happy Fathers Day!

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15 06 2014
Darcel

Happy Father’s Day!

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