DAY 498 WHEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

10 06 2014

My kids are so much like me in every way. I couldn’t be more thankful for the chance to start over and be their dad for real this time. My daughter and I do daddy and daughter dates that I appreciate so much. Getting to talk to my daughter without outside influences is so great. Today I got to take my son to two of the house I’m  building and what I do know for sure: ifs their dirt boys will play in it, throw it and eat it if they think it smells like something good.

I’m not an expert in anything but I damn sure can let you know where I’ve been, how I got there ,and how Im starting to get out of it.  Yesterday and today randomly two different people just wanted to talk and needed some advice. I tried listening more than I talk which Im not great at but I’m a work in progress. Question comes down to this. What happened when all hell broke loose in your life. It’s hard to really remember when they day came and I could not take it anymore. When the damns of hell broke loose and I was being swept away in my own misery, guilt, fear, anger, and sadness. I hope you have never been there but if you have you know there are only two options really at that time, give up, or stand-up. I thought for about 30 minutes and the day was August 27th 2011. There was no lower point in my life and I remember I called two friends and then when I hung up I was emotional wreck and I literally hit my knees in my bedroom in the middle of the floor. It was truthfully the first time I had ever done that because you see when there are no other options your knees work pretty good. I yelled at God, cussed him and then said please take me now. Thank God I didn’t get my wish. I told God all the things I wasn’t and how I screwed up my entire life. ( Im sure he was there just tapping his fingers waiting for me to shut-up) then I got quiet and nothing. I wanted an answer right then dammit. I got in my car and drove which is how I clear my mind and finally I heard what about your babies. It’s the first time I acknowledge I was my kids daddy. I know that sounds stupid but it was.  I said I needed answers and please show me. People started reaching out to me and I started being honest about my problems. Then for the first time ever I decide counselors weren’t stupid and I would try it. Most know the story from here but here is what I want you to know.

There is no magic formula then or now. Give up or stand up. You may  not be in that season but if you have never been there its coming and if you have been there be a voice for someone. If you feel that pull at heart to call someone do it. They need you. Call that person close to  and be honest with them for the first time. Pull open that half stitched broken heart and pour out your poison. Most importantly hit your knees and pour open you heart to the man upstairs. He already knows whats going on he’s just waiting for you like he’s always waiting on us. He has never left us even when we thought he had.  Doesn’t mean its going to be easy but it damn sure can be healed. Remember this: Light cancels out darkness ever time so when hell breaks loose let God shine that light on and in your life for the first time. Then let the people he has put in your life carry the light until you can.

 

 

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