Day 451 Smile Empty Soul

6 04 2014

Spring brings baseball and Spring has brought TBall. Watched my son yesterday in his first game. It’s so fun to watch them hit, and run and in the same breath lose total concentration and forget what they’re doing. I got to spend time with my dad’s side of the family last night and my nieces boyfriends family. I’m so thankful to reconnect with her and his family was great. They accepted my dumb jokes and humor so they can’t be that bad.

I had some pretty intense conversations last night with my buddy Justin about life and the soul of as adults.  It started out why if we knew we were going to die would we decide to live our life the way it was meant to be, but now we just got to work, be parents occasionally go out but its the same thing all the time. If your honesty about we all do it. We think if we break the norm that were doing something wrong.  What its doing is killing our soul. We see people work so hard but never enjoy it, drink their way out of thinking for a while, pretend that their family is the best thing ever but truthfully their marriage is falling apart and their kids hate them. If you don’t believe me then why are their 57% of first marriages ending. Oh  I know your marriage and life is great but I’m talking (about the other ones). The ones with the perfect life that are trying so hard to get us to believe that everything is so great or they hide behind God and truthfully that’s all you have left because your soul is dead. You know all the right things to say and can also quote scripture, and having an amazing prayers to others, but when you pray to God in your quite time all you have is why me?

I was one of the worlds best about you seeing my smiling empty soul. I wanted you to see the best  of me because if you saw the real me you would be like what a pitiful excuse for a man. Thats because I was but now I’m as honest as can be to the point that others are uncomfortable because I’m touching a nerve with you. Which is okay but that just means you can see things in a different way than normal. Last night as I was sitting there talking and listening I said to myself I think I forgot how  to have fun. I crack jokes and say things to make others laugh but I’ve  gotten to a point that I won’t let you see my soul unless I’m really close to you. I was having this instant message conversation with a great friend and she said told me it’s not you’re not fun anymore, but thats a part of your soul is missing. My question to her was Do we find the missing pieces of our soul? When you start searching like a great adventure is when we find them. So I have put myself in a bubble and I want to burst it. Those that are  close to me know that I lived a full throttle life. The answer for a long time was never no. I know were older now but I need my soul filled and living this  life were supposed to and not breaking routine will leave us all with just a smiling empty soul.

What am I trying to say! Stop pretending, be honest and do something different. Take a different road to work, come home and don’t turn the TV on, go outside, play hopscotch with your kids, on the weekends go get lost on roads you’ve  never have been on. Maybe if were lucky will run into each other and wonder how we got here but fill a sense of life we haven’t in a while.




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