Day 449 The one thing I will never be used to

4 04 2014

Another busy week that started out total suck but ended well. IF you have ever lived in Texas you know spring time weather is pretty scary at times. Yesterday in 30 minutes the sky went from cloudy to all out hell breaking loose. We had softball size hail (yes softball) and the normal tornado sirens, hail, and flooding but we got some rain so it was all worth it I guess.

I have joint custody of my kids which is a rarity in Texas. It was the one thing in my divorce I would have fought until the bitter end to get. Kids need their dad as much as their mom and I need them too. I get them on Friday and I swear my heart fills with joy. Their smile. laughs and all the things they have to tell me about the week I didn’t have them is something I crave and look forward to. Like all divorced parents things are different at my house compared to their moms and its a good change both ways I m sure. When my kids aren’t around it is literally apart of me is missing. I do try to pack as much into the weeks I don’t have them working on me and do things I couldn’t do when I have them. Being a single dad is tough like being a single mother, but I promise I couldn’t think of any thing I would like to do more. We go to church together and talk about God, I learn about building legos, how to put on makeup, what is cool or not cool in Jr high, about why girls are gross. I get to read teenage mutant ninja turtle good night stories, why I should have a girlfriend, I get both kids to watch me workout or (help) me. I watch my daughter go out tot he car every morning and realize that beautiful girl has only 6.5 years left before she moves out. I get to see all the mistakes I made in life allowed me to be the father I am and I get tot teach them and help mold their life. Every night before I walk out their bedroom door and tell them goodnight I get to do one of patented flex moves or dance moves from the 80’s and the last sound I hear from both of them  is I love you daddy. Can any man ask for more! Yes I could!

Then there’s the Friday I come home and there is no race to see who gets to the door first and as I take my keys out of my pocket I always pause before putting my key in the door knob because that is my Friday turn-key hell. There is no arguing, no yelling, no  laughing, burping, farting, the life is gone. AS I look in the doorway the place is silent and Im left with just me. I sigh and wish it to be different but my babies are gone for 7 days. I see the toys on the floor or the sucker stuck to the dresser, the dishes that didn’t get put in the dishwasher, the lego pieces on the floor, the breakfast that didn’t get cleaned off the table, the make up wipes that didn’t make it to the trash, the smell of my daughters perfume and my son’s sink still full of toothpaste. I will never get used to not having them with me.It gets easier to deal with sure but it still hurts. It leaves a bit of emptiness that isn’t filled until they get back. It’s a reminder also that when I get into a relationship of why I have to treat her in the best way so I won’t be alone like this again. My kids are a gift from God that I took for granted for many years. We all I have to learn and my 7 days by myself is my burden from my mistakes but also what helps me to the be the best father. I can only hope that my kids one day will see me, the sacrifices made ,  what Im trying to be as a father and never have to have a Friday turn-key hell.




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