Day 433 What they don’t tell you about divorce

21 03 2014

A very long and stressful week which I will tell you the week won. I was short and temperamental with my babies. I just apologized to them and told them that I had a ton going on but they didn’t get the best of me this week. Thats the one things as parents we have to learn is to say I’m sorry and let them know that we has parents make mistakes too. That way they never have to believe they have to be perfect when their adults.

There are things about divorce that nobody can  tell you, prepare you for, or actually know. If your divorced and  have had a married couple ( never divorced) or person talk you about divorce you kind of laugh. Please don’t patronize divorced people with, life is going to be so much better, it’s always better for your kids and you get to start over. Yes it is for most BUT, remember the scars and no matter what divorce scars you have they will ALWAYS BE THERE! Sure they fade everything fades, but there is always a constant reminder. There was a stat I read the other day that 80% of divorced people get no help at all to overcome their divorce, no divorce recovery, no counseling. They rely on friends, and family. My God friends and family might be the worst because they only tell you what you want to here.  If anyone makes you think  that everything that happened in your marriage was “Their Fault” should slap them. No you had a part maybe a small part but you didn’t do everything right. Then you take the stat that 80% don’t get any help. Then that means that your probably going to get back in a relationship with a broken, hurt, and blaming person and start this process all over again. You know how I know read FB. You see these people who 3 months into their new relationship and by month 5 it’s over because that person was (blah, blah and blah, and just like my ex. Well guess what you’re the common denominator and you’re not okay like your family made you think. Get some help!

Then no matter what your kids are stuck in between the mess and you have one parent talk crap about the other and then you see your kid changes and you have no idea why. Well 50% of that kid is the person you’re bashing so they think their the bad stuff your saying about the other parent. Kids see black and white until they develop their own gray area. Every negative and positive thought you throw out about the parent your kid sees, hears, dwells upon and frankly lives with forever.  Sure I would like to tel my kids the truth about what happened in my marriage so I don’t look bad but that’s only for me to feel better it’s not going to better my babies.

Finally- yes you do start over but I promise you don’t have a clean slate. Never tell someone that. Your plate is never clean. Yes maybe you don’t pick the wrong one again, maybe you overcame an addition,, or you came to know God and yes God changes everything but he never said he was going to erase it. You learn from it and you hope you come out a better person for it but We all know that 87% of second marriages fail so lets not get on our soapbox because people are missing the boat. Bottom line is stop asking  why: why me, why did this happen, why don’t good things happen to me.if ur just wanting why, you wasting ur time. Do u question when good things happen. Just know that it takes great pain to get to greatness and that’s why. We never learn from it being easy! Death and divorce might be the most painful experiences in our life but the why rely with me and you. Take ownership or your pain, so you can come out with the good. Stop pretending that divorce is always great and your happy and it doesn’t bother you.  I promise you if you have kids it is always a reminder and will stick with you but your kids don’t have to be punished mom and dad had their head in clouds or in their ass for such a long time.

Sorry I bounced around with my thoughts but I heard someone today feed some divorce line of crap to someone and it sent me on this tangent. So love you and thanks for reading!

 

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