Day 406 My Onion layers are afraid

20 02 2014

I want to apolgize for my grammar and spelling I haven’t in a while.When I go back and proof read too much I’ll change it. So its raw

I’m so thankful for God  putting people  in my life that I have taken for granted or forgotten, but no matter what they are there with open arms. I got to see someone who is very special to me and I hadn’t seen her since June. It’s like we never missed beat. I have no idea why we hadn’t spoken or texted but it made my day.  She texted me this after I left: “It was really great seeing you! One of my coworkers said I lit up when I saw you. 🙂 I said yeah because he’s a great human and a dear friend. You really are Tyler. Thanks for coming!” If words like that can’t  carry  you through a week then your feeler is broken! I sometimes forget the good side of me too because Im so hard on myself but I’ll remember today!

Blog topics come from so many different places and the thought for this blog came from Shrek. I was watching Shrek with my babies last night and  Shrek talked about an Ogre having layers like an onion and you have to peel them back one layer at a time to see who they are. I used to be a man who wouldn’t let you touch my first layer because I wouldn’t.  Now I will peel my layers off and expose myself (not like that) because it feels right and the truth sets you free. But there are layers there that somebody who’s going to love me again will get to do and that scares the hell out of me. They are afraid  (the layers) not because I won’t expose them but because she may not have a clue how to deal with them. Women are not the only ones that get ripped apart in a relationship, men do to. I truly believe a women never 100% gives herself to a man because they know who we are and we are going to hurt them. Men do give 100% once they finally give their heart and when they do and it ends bad they die inside.   Then they go punish every women around. Im a special and different man not better. I can do all things a women needs, be a manly man  ,but also be a caring, loving, affectionate man who does with actions and not words. I can be what a women wants and needs, but my fear is can she! Not all but most women have been ripped apart and even though they want a man like me stopped believe in it or settled. So I come around and I scare the crap out of them. They are waiting for the other shoe to drop and say this can’t be real or they leave. If I expose my layers and you sh$t on them I may be done! I can’t go through again what I did and come out a better man! I did this time with blood, sweat, tears and some great encouragement from some special people. Im admitting this: Im afraid, Im scared to do this again! The want is there but the layers are afraid! To fully expose yourself is the hardest thing to do. Pushing send on this blog today will be hard because what society would say :he doesn’t know what he’s talking about , this guy is not a man, he a pu%^y,.  I don’t need someone to love me the way they think is best ,they need to love me the way I need to be loved. We are  all different and not everyone needs to be loved the same. We love the way that feels comfortable to us not what is best for the other person. The book the 5 love languages explains it much better than , but if you keep trying to buy gifts for your significant other  that needs encouraging words but you buy gifts because you like that then I promise your relationships will always fail. I want and need that person to love me until its uncomfortable for them. I will love you that way but you have to be willing to give it back.

So my layers are afraid to give them to her because I know the down side to being peeled back! I will  not lose hope though that there is that women out there that will see the greatness n me and fight for me too. Yes Im flawed and i will piss you off beyond belief, but its worth it. One layer at a time and lets see where it goes!




2 responses

20 02 2014

I felt shaken and somewhat lost after my divorce, Ty. Take account of your strong points, get out there, and date a woman like the nice friend who texted you (hint, hint). Just so you know it can be done, I am very happy with my wife of five years, Karen, and am so thankful that she is the direction that life took me when I was feeling down. Hang in there.

20 02 2014

Why be so scared. We will never find love because we are always holding back

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