Day 403 I love women with low self-esteem

17 02 2014

If you have never been to West Texas you need to go just to say  you have been but don’t stop in Midland. I have been there 6 times and stayed there each time. Yesterday we drove 5.5 hrs there to play Rugby and we won 55-14, and the same to drive back. There is nothing there except a booming oil and gas business, dust, tumble  weeds and stickers. The dust was so bad yesterday when we had a water break I felt like I was making mud in mouth. First the first time since 2007 I play the full 80 minutes and lets just say my body is beyond pissed today but it was fun! I also had my kids stay with my mom and sister for some great family time there. For me it’s so important that get that time.

When I hear men talk about women it drives me insane mostly because Im trying everyday to be a man who my daughter can learn and follow,  women would be glad to know, be thankful that their daughter was dating me and that the person I was dating would say this is the best decision I have ever made. It wasn’t always like that though and for a long time I didn’t even know. During my 5.5 car ride I listened to Comedy Central radio and heard at least twice about thank God girls have daddy issues and if women had a good self-esteem they would never had gotten laid. Guess what ” THAT’S NOT FUNNY” I was a guy who picked  up women that had a low self-esteem because I knew what to say at the right time, because that’s what i wanted to hear. I knew if someone paid me a compliment, told me they loved me I would have fallen head over heals too. I have actually said in my past I love women with a low self-esteem, and now that my path has changed I can’t apologize  enough for my sickening behavior. I was hurt too which is no excuse so I took advantage of my crappy feelings and used them on someone else. Said part it was easy! These are not conscious thoughts by women but this is what they portray a lot of the times and if you don’t believe ask men: Most girls have done nothing to deserve self-esteem, Insecurity is integral to femininity, Women don’t want to have high self-esteem. Not saying every women but many do and don’t even know there doing it.

If I sat writing this saying I hadn’t been ripped apart, lied to, had shots at my self-esteem, cried, brought to my knees about women, but never did some other women deserve what I dished out. My mom taught me better and now finally Im listening.  Since my divorce I have had some great women that either I dated or friends with that taught me so much about women and what they are really looking for and can go back further that I may not be walking this earth of it wasn’t for a few women that helped me to see myself in a different light and built up my spirit, and soul. From that

Our greatest joy comes from deeply loving others, male or female, gay or straight, short or tall, fat or skinny. It’s about seeing someone as exactly who they are and who they aren’t, and learning to love an imperfect person perfectly. Light comes from being vulnerable with people, by trusting in the goodness of their hearts, and by giving yourself to your family, your friends, and to your significant other. Life is not a male vs. female issue. It is in fact a person to person collaboration. I think we have lost sight of that. We have lost sight of the fact that our material world is special because it is filled with unique individuals who all have the capacity to love one another deeply and to shine light in places of darkness.I’m no fool, I know that there are people in the world that do terrible things to others and hurt people deeply. However, we can’t make generalizations about an entire gender or  anyone else for that matter because we happened to have certain events occur throughout our lifetime. Our life is not the life of others. If we continue to focus on what makes us different we will never be able to relate to each other. The exact same event will never happen in the exact same way to two people…ever. However, if we decide that it is more important to feel empathetic towards others and to connect with them on an emotional level, that is where the true magic happens. That is how relationships are built, walls are broken down, and love infectiously spreads into the deepest darkest cracks of this earth. (Thank you Evan Sanders Better Man project)

I can still pick out the girl who has a crappy self-esteem but I try to build up and not take. I try to be an example and offer words of encouragement. I know now that my future spouse with struggle with self esteem but knows that her happiness in her self-will come from God and herself  and Im only there to enhance it not be it. If you’re a guy preying on that girl I’m watching you and if you accidentally get tripped and hit your head Im sorry but lesson learned! lol

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