Day 367 Im accepting applications

13 01 2014

Had another great Rugby victory 44-14 over a military team, those damn guys were in such great shape, and we weren’t but are getting there. I took a ghost tour last night which I didn’t even know even know Denton had. I went because it was different and added a listen to someone who really believed in ghosts. I promise I never got sad but laughed a few times. You don’t have to believe in ghosts to go on a tour just go for the entertainment.

Another great message at church and I almost listened to the whole thing before I started applying it to my life. in our church we are all about connecting to others. It makes the world tolerable and honesty we are all wired that way. We are all striving for a Level 10 friendship. Hopefully we can get 2-3 because you don’t have the energy and time for any more. Level 1 is the Cowboys and weather. Level 10 is that fear, or worry, the tears or whatever causes us to get lost, can’t sleep. You share that with someone and they understand, encourage, butt kick you whatever but you can be exactly who you are. You cab be authentic and because your authentic you are fully loved and can fully love then back!

You cannot love or be fully loved until your fully known! Soak that in for a minute! I learned that first hand and because I shut myself down or out people stopped loving me and I stopped loving them. I knew it was just their fault not mine! I would say if they knew that about me how could hey love me or be around me. I also couldn’t accept that. There are things about me that only 2 people know. I’m an open book but not everybody gets to know the guts and blood of it all because you can’t handle it. We are all hiding something, maybe lots of things! You can be fake and think your different from the rest but you’re not, just like I wasn’t. We have so much crap that we hide because we think if they don’t know then they’ll accept me. What you want is when you tell them and they accept you and are there for you that’s what you want.

I was sitting at the bar last night and a conversation got deep. Someone asked me who I was and I laid it out there. All I got was  few blank stares and one of the women at the table  said holy shit I can’t believe you can say those things and be okay. I told her Im perfectly okay it seems like you are bothered by it. She asked why are you so honest and one of the guys said because that’s what a real man is. Well maybe but being authentic and real is what we all should strive to be, but its scary. I have learned through my life and personal  transformation that I’m in a very small group that is wiling to let is all hang out. Here I am accept it or not and I have gotten your too much, it makes me uncomfortable, I don’t know how to handle you.

So Im accepting applications! I have one level 10 friend and I would like two more. One will be my future spouse and another be a guy that can help walk with me in the life. I will not be ashamed of who I am or what got me here. I want to be able to love others based on all of them and not just the parts I accept or understand. . There is nothing to hide and I can’t tell you how much free I am to be myself when I can be myself. Im accepting applications but not all get accepted because sometimes people lie on their applications. I look forward to it!

 

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