Day 329 When I lost my innocence

4 12 2013

Texas is supposed to have a horrible winter storm starting tomorrow. If you know about Texas people go crazy and forget to drive or actually be human behind the wheel. If you don’t believe watch you-tube for the videos that will come out. Pray for Texas! lol

If you asked 100 people who attended what the message was about you would get 100 different answers! I really try to listen and this weekend I feel I really heard the message but maybe I just heard what was on my heart! When did I lose my innocence! That was the just of the church message. I actually said which time! I think we lose our innocence with so many different things that have happened in life! What happens when we lose innocence is we become vulnerable and vulnerability causes us to pull back on life. I remember the first time my innocence was stolen. I was 8 and we were playing baseball at my house. It was so hot and we took a break and one guy named Cody who was older pulled out a Playboy. Nothing with a women was ever the same I kept the magazine and looked through every page. See most boys learn sex through porn or magazines which in turn then puts unrealistic expectations of what sex should be. When it’s not we then punish the girl or just treat every girl like trash! We start to watch life or wait for someone else to change it. Life is meant to be done but you don’t want to do what the magazine or video said because you find out life isn’t like that.  I never really thought about innocence until you have kids and see things or hear things you think they won’t know for a long a time. It makes you sick that why can’t they never experience the vaporizing of innocence why can’t they be kids.

Im not sure you can be born again with innocence. Or can you see things in a different light but I wanted to list the things that change my views on life and caused my innocence to die starting with seeing the Playboy at 8.

1. 6th grade girlfriend died- Never knew death of someone close to me. 2. Broke my leg in the femur- My leg stopped growing and my sports career took a different direction
3 My dad became disabled 8th grade- We became poor and people looked at us differently
4.Saw my mom cry for the first time when they came and reclaimed   our car 5. When the first girl ripped my heart out 11th grade Really made me look at women as mean 6. When I found out what the coaches really thought about me being hurt! 7. When I realized what I didn’t know about sex! 9. When I was in college and I learned that being an adult I wasn’t close to that yet! 10. That you can lose a best friend! 11. That true love might not exist and if you change that might not make it better for her to stay!

So I made this list and looked at them as a negative but then what I actually saw that yes they hurt and helped shaped a view that wasn’t true I needed  those. Innocence lost is going to happen no matter how we try to protect it. I m thankful for those, yes I failed greatly and with the bruises , scars, and life that changed I became vulnerable. Being vulnerable is the best thing that can happen to us because we can grow so much from it and in growing we can change to be who we should not who someone thinks we should be.

What does all of it mean: If we are to lose or innocence or aspects of life do it greatly because its only in the failures that we find who we really are! I’m living proof that you can lose it all and get back on your feet even though Im still wobbly!




One response

1 01 2014
Equipping The Saints

I am very sorry. It seems these days that I say that a lot, but in your case it covers a lot of territory. Being born again is something that God does for you. John 3:3-8 covers it, with verse 8 showing that He is in control. Of course, we know the love of God as it is shown in John 3:16. My prayers are with you. Blessings,
John 17:3
Pastor/Equipping The Saints

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