Day 326 I want that cheating feeling

2 12 2013

This is a great time of year. We just gave thanks and now we get to give! I had my babies for the entire week of  thanksgiving. It seemed to go by so fast but I truly cherish things more than “before”. Football results were good for my teams as well! My Cowboys are on the verge of the playoffs which makes me so happy.  I also got to go black Friday shopping with my daughter. Its somethings he really wanted to do and I hadn’t been yet so it was great! People are rude but the deals are good for at least a 1 time of going! My daughter had the line of the week when she said if this doesn’t get you a girlfriend you better throw in the towel! The truths of a child!

Please hear me out after reading the title of this blog! I have never cheated and I hope that I would never do it in the future. If I said I never would them it would probably happen. I spoke to a guy and I actually understood his feeling.  Since I started this journey I have gotten a different perspective on life good and bad and I’m trying to take that to help other people. Mostly men but anyone who truly wants a different way of doing things. Two Fridays ago I had a guy call me that was refereed. The lady that refereed him said he’s at rock bottom and needs someone to listen and possibly some words of encouragement. He called and said I don’t know where to start so me being who I am asked him : Tell me why you cheated on your wife? He said can I tell you some other things first then about cheating. Anything to get him started in conversation. He told me about some addictions , work, past family etc.. I listened asked a few question then listened some more. It lasted about 30 minutes then he told me about the cheating!

He said he had been madly in love with his wife and then “life” started happening. They grew apart and just stopped listening to each other even though both of them would tell each other what was wrong and what they needed. I’m not finding blame here I’m trying to tell how I understand! He said like every cheating story goes: She started to ask about how I was doing, she was someone who would listen. In my head I was like blah, blah. Then he said something I could understand. I just wanted someone to love me for me, I didn’t want to have to perform, I wanted someone to think I was funny and good-looking. She was honest with me but didn’t make me feel like an idiot, She never belittled me. She loved me in the definition of what love should be but it was wrong. He said I know now after my wife found out, that I lost both of them. In a sick way I never had that with my wife, we were in dumb love and I wouldn’t take that feeling back because I never had it. So we talked some more and I told him I would like to meet him after the holidays.

I thought about what he said probably 100 times that he wouldn’t take that feeling back! Here’s where I can relate. The last 4 years of my marriage were a joke! I think I have been very fair talking about my failures as a husband. That cheating that this guy spoke to me about I wanted so bad and even today. I know he got his through false pretense but here is what I want to.  Even if it was for a short-lived time, for the person I’m with to think I’m the best thing ever, (with all of my faults), that I don’t have to perform, she thinks Im funny, and good-looking, she was always honest with me and me with her but she never belittled me. I struggle enough with my own crap I don’t need the one I love to keep dumping on my pile! I think that you find that in someone older that has already been there and done that. I know what a man is supposed to and will write about that more too, but why do people have to find that short-lived, passion and love in cheating. Why can’t two people who fell in love continue fanning the flames, rather than flaming out. It’s sad that I would take 1 day of that cheating feeling just so I know its real! When your best friend is  truly your best friend maybe you find it but I’m not sure! I’m not saying it’s not out there I just know that I crave what the guy told me and it seems I only here about it when people cheat.

I know this will probably being taken out of context and I would never advocate cheating or have I but man would I love to be loved that way just one time!

 

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