Day 310 Don’t be afraid

16 11 2013

My kids are back with their mom and that’s always tough! I enjoy them so much! There are many times I feel I m not doing enough or being the best I can be but last night I go tot post this to my Facebook account: Men there is nothing to make u prouder than being a good daddy. My daughter for no reason looked at me and said thank you for being a great man! Two years ago that would have never happened! There is always hope. There’s hope because I changed me and let my kids know through actions not words that they mean everything to me. I got to be a part of an event last night called Handsome Hunks of Johnson County. It was to raise money for charity. We got to walk/strut our stuff and get bid on. It was great and got a new set of friends that if you would have just put us in a room I never would have thought would have worked.

I get of my inspiration to write my blog from you or people I listen to during my day. They may not know I’m listening to them but I am. I do a lot of work in Starbucks and people are open with their coffee and that environment. If we were honest we get afraid and have no idea what to do in life sometimes. No matter how much you pray, don’t worry, etc.. sometimes human instinct kicks in and you just get afraid. I think the first time I felt the most afraid in my life was the first night I was in my apartment by myself after moving out of my house. I had no idea what the hell to do, no wife, no kids and no dog. For the first the first time in 15 years I was in absolute  silence, no guidance, not knowing what was next, no identity, no words of encouragement. I cried, I reflected and I was afraid like nothing I had ever been. You never think at 36 what now! I wanted something normal “for me” and it wasn’t coming back.  I had a friend tell me every night gets better and I wanted to flip him off because he hadn’t gone through it but now I know he was correct!Being afraid is natural for a child but its something your looked down upon when your older. It’s actually at this point in my life  the best/worst feeling because with the feeling of being afraid you either sink or swim. It caused my to get up and do something even though it may have been weird to walk the mall, or go to Sams or go to a movie by myself but that feeling helped me deal with the real me!

Divorce, death, betrayal whatever brings on the following: anger, sadness, hate, fear, loneliness but at the core of that were afraid! When we don’t “know” life is black hole and there is nothing that scares us more than the fear of the unknown. I hope nobody has to deal with being afraid, but right now or in the future you will get that feeling and embrace. I know that sounds stupid because in fear is when we learn the lessons that we missed. It’s okay to fight it but we lose every time. You might think you win this time but it will get us let your feelings be real to your self so your able to help yourself and someone else in the future.

 

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