Day 261 The Reason

24 09 2013

This day is the reason I’m probably still here. Two years ago today I started counseling it was also the first time in my life I hit my knees and begged God please either take my life or take every bit of this life from me.  The marital problems were the worst and I had no idea who the heck I was. I realized how imperfect, I wished I hadn’t done so many things to her and to myself,  and my poor children.

Do you realize how much of a hell you have to be in to ask God please take my life. It felt like the world was spinning around me and everybody elses life was so great and only I was the worst thing in the world. You ever prayed and got up or opened your eyes and said well that was pointless.  I wanted to knock on God’s door and say hey did you forget about me? I know different now. No matter what was ever told to you life is never what was expected or told to us and we have to find it on our path.

Running or being scared to take a step is not what this life is about. It’s also not lying, putting up a front, or faking until you make it. when someone says how are you, you say “I’m good!” what you really want to say is please hug me or tell me I’m okay. Tell me I’m good and I matter. If you can get people to be honest the crap that people walk around with is such a living hell! I say all of this to say:

2 years later I could never be more thankful for asking God to take my life or take this life from me. I’m no where close to where I’m going to be but I’m pretty darn cool and I can see a light that I thought was extinguished. When I finally quit trying to take control I was able to life.

Today with the help I received I was able to at least get a friend where she needs to be so her life can start again. She goes into medical Detox tomorrow and then in around 5 days she will get freed from the living hell and start rebuilding.  I know its scary and she has no faith she can do it, but I am here in whatever way because doing this alone sucks! Please listen and extend a helping hand to those around you they need it. Almost everyone didn’t know my hell and seemed so surprised!





3 responses

24 09 2013
Misty Dawn Borden

Tears streaming down my face

24 09 2013

So proud to know you.

25 09 2013
Praising Him! | roymartinministries

[…] Day 261 The Reason ( […]

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