Day 238 Passion of yesterday’s oatmeal

1 09 2013

Football is here and that makes me happy! Got to tailgate at TCU/LSU and watch my university UNT beat the crap out of IDAHO.  It was 106 at game time so I got cooked but I look great with a tan.  I truly love this time of year because it gets cooler and people re in a better mood.

I was a man who wanted nothing, but not in the sense you think. I wanted nothing because I had checked out on life. You never know you’re doing it but you wake up one day and your passion for anything is of yesterday’s oatmeal. You know a big glob of nothing sitting in the bowl and you never want to touch and hope you can just wash it down the disposal and watch it go away. I had drifted apart from everything. I was working, paying the bills, going to my kids events, cutting the yard, sometimes workout out, and sometimes acting like a husband, but nothing more. I had no  emotion, no investment, and no reaction to anything. I was the walking dead and my most vital parts were shutting down.  I actually went to church, served on boards and tried to help those in need, but helping myself was pointless.

I remember being asked by an elderly lady who said why are you a believer and why are you living a pointless life? I sat there for it felt like 10 minutes and said I don’t know.  I guess it’s the right thing to do.  Is there anything u want out of life? Not really. i DON’T REALLY DESIRE ANYTHING. She looked at me and said then you’re dying and bringing everyone down with. Nobody can help you if you don’t want anything. I walked away feeling worse and wondered is life worth living anymore.  John Eldridge author of Captivating, Wild at Heart and Desire speaks on this. I was a good boy, a gelding. Geldings though they  are nicer and more behaved than stallions, do not bring life. They are sterile.

You cannot lead your family, succeed at work, , flourish in marriage or friendships with that attitude. When we abandon our desire and passion or don’t want you or myself. We have to desire all of things I mentioned with God’s desire and passion. Duty reduces the dance to a drill. It would be like giving your wife an anniversary gift, she is so excited  and then you say  think nothing of it, its my obligation.  You just killed the moment and any to come.

I’m finally two years later finding passion and desire in things. My kids, my new developing friendships, Crossfit, and few other things. I was yesterday’s oatmeal and I hate oatmeal.




One response

1 09 2013
Misty Dawn Borden

U do look great tan, lol

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