Day 215 Healing the Father Wound

12 08 2013

I spent a lot of time on the road yesterday. First I took my insurance exam yesterday morning and I passed. I felt so good afterwards and I really like to drive and so I drove to Texarkana.. I got to listen to music and visit with a very good friend so it was worth it. Lot of mind clearing as well.

I’m very passionate about helping change lives by forgiveness of our fathers and making sure that the Fathers of today are equipped with the knowledge and information to change the cycle from their father or just strength what they have. I would ask if you haven’t yet please take my survey I know for some the questions are tough or you may not have an answer you can just skip it. I need about 50 more responses.

Father Survey

I can’t say we all have a father wound because some people will argue with me forever. This never means your father is a bad person or you should dislike him, but This is what I know.  Our parents generation and the ones before them were taught or totally ignored on the following: emotion, sex, worth, dealing with problems.  Our dads essentially said put your head down, don’t cry and it will all be better. That’s crap and now I know that.  Most dads didn’t have  an idea what to do with their daughter. Men had no idea how important they were in their children’s lives and the kids were crying out to their dads but couldn’t say the right words so their dad could hear. I have read the responses in the survey and I have cried. I couldn’t believe the things that grown men and women have put about their dads. How much time they wanted to spend with their dad, I just wanted to hear I love you, I m proud of you, you’re the apple of my eye. I wanted my dad to tell me I’m beautiful, but he never did. Every dad we walk by somebody that’s carrying a lot of guilt, hate, sorrow and lack of worth because the man they should have gotten it from didn’t know how to do to show or give that.

Now there is a t least an awareness and I want to make sure after the counseling and therapy I have gotten and understand now that the cycle can be change and we can all let go of those feelings that have followed us our whole life.

Their is not a better sound that hearing I love you or good morning daddy.  I took it for granted for so long! I know and hope I will always hear it. If my kids are 30 and they call or come by and say daddy: I know they need me and my job is to be there for them no matter what, to soften the blow, to just laugh with them, to love them, to talk or listen to a problem. I have to be the one that when the feel there is no other way that I have led them to God and that I can be a voice of God for them as well and let them come to me.  My daughter has to find her worth and love from me because if I fail some other man will try to show it but it will never be what God intended. Yeah its scary to be given that responsibility but there is not a better reward than when you kids small or grown can look you in the eye and tell you I love you daddy.

I remember the last time I called my dad (daddy). It had been 10 years since I called him daddy. I went home the night he died and slipped into a coma. I had laid next to him in his bed most of the night and watched and listened to the man who was my dad slip further and further from us. I knew it was time for him to go and I was ready but I needed my daddy and had for many years. I knew he didn’t have much time left because his lungs were filling with fluid and he started the sound of drowning. The hospice nurse came in and said its time that people come some their last words. I let everyone go before me and finally at 8:15 I was holding his hand and said daddy I love you and I will miss you more than you will ever know. 8:20 that morning my daddy was gone. Took me 10 years to say it and I wish so many times that he could have been their but I made peace with him and forgave him and promised that I will bust my ass to be what he always wanted me to be to my children. I carried hate, guilt, and worthlessness for 36 years and it was the most painful experience,but I know better now and just ask that you listen and rid yourself of that burden.

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