Day 210 Why I do this

6 08 2013

I’m a dork and always take surveys. I usually win once a year well I got a package in the mail today and I won a Samsung galaxy tab 2 with cover and 50 dollar gift card. So now I’m cool and have a tablet. Okay I’m trying to become cool.

I started writing in WordPress this time 1 year ago and I get asked about once a week why do you do this. I always take a deep breath and sigh and tell that person I needed to be heard. I was so lost in the midst of getting a divorce and I thought I had something important to say. It never mattered if I thought I had something to say other people do that for you. I felt better letting go of all of my crap. I had a lot of it to and finally the truth set me free. The messages I get telling me thank you or I can’t believe you said that but thank you I thought okay this is pretty cool.  Honestly at that time it felt good that there were so many screwed up like me. So why are I am I writing now?

That was the question asked of me Friday. What are you getting out of it now. I sometimes sit and wonder why myself. I mean do people really give a crap about what I have to say. Sure sometimes it feeds my ego and I like to be heard, but I do it because I want to show the world that their are Godly, truthful, flawed men out there that can admit to there wrong. I write and readership sucks and other days its amazing. I’m all about results and when a lot of people don’t read I tell myself well you wasted your time. Then I remember I only need one person to hear this.  On Thursday I got this message from a lady in Portland Oregon ” I just wanted to say thank you! I went back and read all of your blog posts and your amazing! Please don’t stop writing I need to hear you. I hate when you don’t write everyday like you did in the beginning. PLEASE DON”T STOP” I really needed to hear that because I have thought about not writing anymore.

Like you I’m human and we always need some reassurance and that really helped. When I go back and read what I wrote about I think I have covered so much: Death, anger, hatred, suicide, parenthood, love, divorce, friendship, money, idols, God, travel, loneliness, dealing with your past, etc.. I have cried many times sitting in front of this computer, I have felt like my heart was going to burst with joy talking about kids. I have hoped many times that someone would reach through the computer and give me a hug because I needed one so bad.  I still feel like I’m on an island sometimes and I’m drowning. I want to be positive more when I write but most times people learn through th  hell rather than the heaven.  In the movie Cast away with Tom Hanks he was truly on an island and his only friend was a volleyball named Wilson. I could so relate to that and sometimes still do. When he lost Wilson he thought it was over and in a way his life was starting over when Wilson went away. Starting over which is what I have done is the hardest thing in the world to do, but its a clean slate and a blessing if looked at it this way.

With all of this rambling what I’m saying is that I understand the sh%t of life and I’m starting to see the good to. Please don’t think your by yourself in life, people do understand or they really want to.  We will all have our days feeling depressed or lonely, but pray, listen and know you can always write me and I will be willing to listen and hopefully offer some words of encouragement. I have learned to love truly love and would be honored to hear from you and walk your journey with you.



2 responses

6 08 2013
Misty Dawn Borden

I really felt this today– this feeling of thinking im alone in this world, but knowing God & my mom are guiding me, only im the one fighting their help. When i walk in the park is when I feel closest to my mom, so ive walked there twice this week. Only twice, i feel so ashamed of past actions & behaviors…things my momma never would have done. But they are my own struggles, choices, and unhealthy coping skills. I know Im not alone but I feel it tonight, very strongly, so very emotional all day and Ive shed tears one too many times today. While in the restroom this afternoon, during a completely unexpected cry session, Ilooked in the mirror & noticed how beautiful my eyes are after a fresh cry. Like the tears wash & wax my soul, if u will, through the pain is fresh amazing beauty, it gave me the strength to walk out of the restroom broken yet confident. A refreshing feeling of knowing Ive been through much harder struggles that God graciously guided me through, definately not graceful at all timed, because Im human

6 08 2013
Misty Dawn Borden

Thank u for this today. Ur awesome

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