Day 205 Don’t love like money

1 08 2013

I spent the first three days of this week in an insurance class. I learned a lot but I’m so drained. How is it that you sit all day and feel like you have been hit with a baseball bat.  I get my babies back tomorrow. One of the greatest gifts I have received is being a daddy. I never knew how much you could love something until I realized the importance i had in my children’s lives.

I ve been reading a very different but outstanding book for me called: Blue Like  Jazz. Two chapters left and the last chapter on love struck such a chord with me.  When we think of relationships what metaphors do we use? We value people, invest in people,  we could bankrupt relationships and their priceless. All economic metaphors! So what does that matter? We think of love as a commodity! We use it like money. If somebody is doing something for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity or whatever else fits for you, we feel they have value, we feel they have worth, to us and perhaps priceless. I have always used love like money because I didn’t know better. It’s no excuse but I did. Remember how you cared so much  for that person who agrees with  you and felt “close to them” but the one who didn’t pretty much got kicked to the curb. If you barter or play games with love we all lose. There is no getting around it. When we don’t love our enemies they not it and will hate us more. Try a past relationship: Now that they can’t give you what you need you spit, scorn, anger, fear at them. They know it and do the same in return. The author Donald Miller has a personal example in the book but here is mine:

You could always tell me ex but I have moved past that and now I consider her my equal and we are doing our best to make it through the twisted world of divorce. This is a guy that when I see his posts on Facebook, or read about his life, or a story everything is great. I always think this guy is the second coming of Jesus Christ. He could help me too in a situation I’m in but he won’t, He thinks he Sh%t doesn’t stink. Honestly I would rather punch him than be around him.  I want real, I want someone who just is honest and will always extend the helping hand.  I have rolled my eyes, given him dirty looks, called him names under my breath. I thought if he knew I didn’t approve he would change. (I know I’m an ass) I was withholding my love. I knew what I was doing was wrong, selfish and it will not change until I change. What happens when we treat people this way they think we are: Snobbish, judgmental, defensive, and mean. We know were not but that’s what is thought. Trying to hear God and live the way I  should  I was disobeying God and pretty much just giving him the finger. People are hard to love. I’m one of those people and I’m really hard to love so why do people have to fit in our box to love them.  I hadn’t seen this guy in two months so I went Tuesday where I knew he would be and took a deep breath and started with trying to love him. I promise it wasn’t easy but after about 30 minutes I found out two things. He was funny and he thought a lot of good things about me. He still annoyed the crap out of me on some things but I think it’s that wall  that I help put up where he has try to show me and everyone else how great he is. Im a work in progress with love because I loved wrong for 37 years.

Remember this per the book’s author Donald Miller ” There are two conversations  going on at all times. First is the surface;  the weather, the Cowboys, and whatever else he mouth is saying. The next is of the heart and our heart is either communicating I like this person Im talking to  or I don’t. God asks for both conversations to be true”

If God is not true in both conversations he’s not there and we will lead ourselves and others astray. The bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth and your heart does not love them, that you’re a person standing there smashing two symbols together. You are only annoying everybody around you.

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