Day 117 My blank canvas

28 04 2013

A great weekend and busy with the Denton arts and Jazz fest which if you have never been make it a trip its great. I got to play security guard Saturday night and getting to see all the people drunk, sober, and not the ones not wearing a lot of clothing was greatly appreciated.

The one question I have after an event like that is why are people insistent on driving when they can’t walk. Budweiser was out trying to get people to get a driving buddy. I saw two people pulled over and they definitely didn’t pass the test. 17K later I bet they hope they had a driving buddy.

Last week in counseling I was trying to tell the counselor what it was like to start over. Here is what I drew him.

The drawing on the left was my life. The circle is me and the squiggly lines are my past. You can say parents, job, marriage, food etc.. The next pic you see is a blank sheet of paper which is my new life. Yep still blank. I have heard so many people say if I could just start over. My question to them now is: then what? See starting over is hard very hard After my 37 years of life everything I knew was false,, a lie, or just a stupid facade or fake. You think:Gosh if I could just start over everything would be so different. Okay yes IF you make the changes in your life to be different I would agree. The problem is that we are more, hurt,jaded, fearful and cautious then when we were in out early 20’s. We are to calculated or we know if I take that step and it doesn’t work then you know the outcome. So here comes the counseling.

I have learned to be a glass half full person (most days)I have a blank sheet for my life and all of the negative I mentioned above can become positives. Who I put in my life, what I do for work, what I want in a spouse, how I take care of my health  and what I choose to be grateful for. I still haven’t drawn the new circle on the page for the new me. (Not sure what I’m waiting on) but I do get to start over and not many get that chance. I get to take this lump of clay and mold me into whatever I want, knowing what I do know and that’s fantastic. Fear is what has held me back and not wanting to be wrong. My prayer is different now its not take away my fear it’s fill me with your ideas God and lets see where it goes. I know I have to be thankful not just the good but the bad. It’s so hard to tell God thanks a lot today that I lost money on a job, I was an ass to my kids but when you can find the good in the bad then the shift starts and you start rewriting your life.

 

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