Day 21 All out hatred

23 01 2013

You know what makes a great Crock pot meal, ingredients, a crock pot turning it on and oh yes power. You have to plug a crock pot in to make it work. Maybe I was thinking it would be wireless. Yes I forgot to plug it in. Oh well we will be ready tomorrow.

I wonder when you walk through the doors of Wal-mart they put some kind of magic dust on you that makes you spend a minimum of $100. I can’t walk out there without.

I have a Wednesday morning man’s group that might be the most real experience I have in my life. These guys hold back nothing and thank God they didn’t they helped me get to where I am at today. This morning I heard a few pretty profound statements that help me think all day. 1. “If we will learn to strive to make the love of our life happy and make it an adventure I promise u will succeed. 2.We can either try to figure out life or walk with God. That is one profound statement. So we talked about this for a while and then the storm hit.

We have a gentleman that was a great athlete and played professionally for two of the top teams in his sport and dominated. You would never have known that he was who he was or is but he went through 3-6 months of in-house rehab and is so much better and a joy to listen too. He is married to what we call a control hloic who can never be wrong. he started and he went off and about 10 minutes into I looked to him and said its time to move on. If she won’t change or go to counseling and everything is always your fault. I heard the hate saw the hate and then it happened. It all rushed back to me the sex, the control the blah blah. I actual got mad and had to get up and leave the table for a bit. He has an all out hatred for his wife and is only there for the kids. I could feel his pain and then he said I would rather be dead it would be easier.

I so remember those days and as tears rolled down my eyes I told him I understand and I understand how disrespect, the lack of sex, lack of love can bring you to nothing. He said I feel two inches tall and have no self-esteem. This was a man who played in Title games, had anything he wanted had a great relationship with God and felt so bad. I gave him my two cents and gave him a hug. He looked me in the eye and said he loved me and that he appreciated what I had to say.

I know I have made myself to be the worst man ever. I know what I did wrong, I know what I felt, what I said and how I wanted to die because it would have been easier. God hates divorce we all know that but what you never hear is that God hates horrible marriages and hates when people would rather die than live. There are always two in any situation. Yes even you that thinks you didn’t do anything wrong.I was married to someone who didn’t respect, love, shunned sex etc.. I was miserable and it wasn’t worth it. Sure I would love to be married so my family could be intact but life is better for us both. I never condon divorce but sometimes it the only choice. We are not made to hate but can get there pretty easy.

None of this may not make sense and maybe I m rambling but we aren’t here for hate. Step out and change it and if someone chooses not to change then get out. Life is to short and there is an awesome life waiting for you.

 

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