Day 8 Ghost

10 01 2013

Okay the Insanity workout is a SOB. I m not going to be able to walk tomorrow but ti’s worth it. If you want a change of pace (I mean a real change of pace try it). My babies go back tot heir moms tomorrow which I always hate but I m glad that get to be with their mom. Today my son told me to just call if I got lonely or scared. My 4-year-old made my day.

Today at QT there was a lady who she was either having her day off or unemployed because she was in vacation mode. Why do I say that because she wasn’t wearing a bra and her freaking boobs went down to her belly button. That’s just wrong and gross. Nobody likes that at all. I m sure some gross man who has tobacco stains on his wife beater maybe but I threw up in my mouth just a bit. If your hot I will give you a pass but this lady wouldn’t know hot if she fell in lava. I know that was an asshole statement but please wear a bra. If my kids would have been their and I would had to explain and I wouldn’t have known what to say.

One of my closet friends and first roommate in college is coming up from Austin this weekend. We lived a lot of life together so I could tell you and some I can’t. He’s one of the one’s that I was to busy for while I was married and I promised myself and those close to me that I would correct that mistake this year and so far so good.

Had my first counseling appt of 2013 today. It was great as always but as usual I cried. I m still working on healing wounds but it was good to feel like the past is actually becoming just that. Brian (counselor and friend) talk about so many different things in our hour together and I never know which one affects me the most. Overcoming my fear and loneliness is probably what I struggle with the most. It’s not the loneliness you might think just sometimes feeling like a ghost no matter where you go. Like the movies that your there but someone could put their hand right through you and they would never know. I understand trying to medicate to fill that void but I guess since I haven’t poured myself into somebody else or drank, dope, or sex I m still left to dealing with the hard way but the best way I was told. Today both of us teared up over some past issues and man I was a total piece of shit. I know I have apologized but if you don’t read this I’m truly sorry if I treated you like crap. The great thing is I m try to be someone’s Advil and for the first time in years I m truly taking away people’s pain.

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