Day 30 Taking off the mask

20 09 2012

Well I pissed a  few people off today and I m sorry. For totally different reasons but I hope you know why I did. Today was a very stressful in so many ways. I did have an awesome counseling appt. I will no longer call Brian my counselor but my friend. He and I have a great connection and today I helped him as well. I have made some weird prayers in the past but the one I made that I had to share with today was really eye opening. I can’t talk about it here but maybe in time.   All I can say that change hurts and we all know its necessary but man does it cut us down quick. I know matter how far I have come my struggle with being inadequate is still there.

No poop stories today. Sorry for the people that enjoyed the story but not today.

Monday at my Relationship/30 class we talked taking of the mask. I disagreed with a lot of the class for many reasons and I will share those. First of all we all wear mask. We are taught that. When I say mask I mean the truth that we either speak of or that we don’t. Either with a close friend  or someone new. I started this blog on July 1st with some lame ass post about me. I wanted to write more but didn’t. Day 4 when I started my true healing I laid it our there and damn I almost crapped myself when I hit send. I wanted to go erase it but I didn’t. About an hour later 8 people responded and it was positive. most were thank you for being so honest I had no idea that you ever struggled that way. Well that set me on my course of telling my life story the good, the bad and defiantly the ugly. I took my mask off July 4th in my blog and it has never come back on. Because of that I am healing so much better but I can help others. The truth does set you free. Yes people judge and yes they have called me names, but that is there fear talking. The questions asked Monday were how would you tell your, pastor, your new girlfriend or boyfriend or your mother about your past. Well I don’t have a new girlfriend but I have told my pastor and yes I did tell my mother. It was a gut wrenching 2 hour talk and my mother said son I could never be more proud of you than I am right now. I was embarrassed but I have a new relationship with my mom because of it. I disagreed the most with how you tell your new boyfriend or girlfriend. He said tell the in pieces. I disagree with that because after a bit you get connected then you don’t want to “Scare them off” so you don’t tell them your dark secrets. If your going to date me you have to read all of my blog. If you don’t run then I know I have a chance with you. If you run then sorry but we can’t be together. I m not proud of my crap from my past but because of that I m here able to write this. Any women would say who are you I want to get to know you. You will have more intimate details about me than any man you have ever been with. I could hide but what good does that do. If I tell you the truth and you can’t handle it then its not about me its about you. So take off the damn mask. If someone chooses not to like you then you just got a  free gift. A judgmental, scared human out of your life that really doesn’t want whats best for you but wants how they fit into their box.


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3 responses

20 09 2012
Tucker Communications

So many times I find people being judgmental, you are right about the mask. Many where a mask to hide their own insecurities. When someone judges you, curses you or calls you names, ask for a mirror and show them who they are really talking about. Themselves! When a person can stand up for themselves, admit where they were wrong and make changes for the better, that’s the person I could call a friend. At least I would know where I stood with them. Proud to call you my friend Tyler!

13 02 2014
mandi0240

That’s a real eye opener. I never looked at myself that way. I get too scared to let someone in. Afraid of being judged. I guess I just have to trust that they accept me or don’t. I love that your so honest and bare all. I read your blogs every day and learn more and more about you and about myself. Thanks tyler

13 02 2014
tywood12

Thank you
It means a lot
Just be true to urself always

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