Day 16 The world never stops amazing me

6 09 2012

I can’t believe the blatant disregard for children. I wont get into details but CPS had to be called. When your trying to help folks and that shit on you is one thing but on their kids is another.

My kids go home tomorrow so the loneliness starts. I ve got a few ideas to keep myself occupied better. Football season officially starts and my UNT eagles play this weekend. Looking forward to football but will miss my kids experiencing it with me.

I had a lot of people respond to my blog posts last night. I m not in that spot anymore but it sure helps me remember that I never want to be there again. There are a lot of painful memories there that I did learn from.  Rule 5 Learning Does Not End

You have to learn the lessons surrender, commitment, humility and flexibility. Without these lesson we will not be able to open our mind.

Surrender doesn’t obstruct our power it enhances it. Mariaane Williamson. Surrender is the transcendence of ego and the release of control. Surrender is the transcendence of ego and release of control.If your one of those people who always have to do things his way or who possesses a strong willful ego then surrender will seem like defeat. but surrender only signifies defeat in war. In life is signifies transcendence.. Please don’t think this means remain passive in lie and just let is happen to you. Just surrender to the things you didn’t have control of anyway.

After our personal bankruptcy life just seemed like a fog.  I was some place physically but mentally I was never there. I went to events and family functions or just sat in my living room and sometimes don’t remember being there at all. This was the summer I started P90X to try and start changing me. mY ex got involved to. We actually worked out together which was nice because she was  actually liking herself but not me. I was like a hologram never knew I was there. Then at week 11 of P 90X there was a pop in the neck of my ex and she had ruptured a disk in her neck. To say I wasn’t happy with her was an understatement. I know it wasn’t her fault but she didn’t handle it well at all and I treated her like crap. I wanted her to deal with the pain like I did but she couldn’t. I never thought that about the way I acted until later this past year. I m sure she thought I didn’t care for her at all but she had disappeared from me and maybe I didn’t.

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