Day 2 Very emotional

23 08 2012

Just FYI I got twitter finally: @Tywood72. I also will start using WordPress because its easier to write my blog in. o use tywood12.wordpress.com

Today was a very emotional day. I had a hard talk with a family member and one with a friend. Both cried! Also I went and visited some people who have been like parents to me today. Has always they fill me with the right info and today was no different. She asked me what I was mad about and I sad I was past that point, but she dug up 3 things that I m still mad at and one actually came up last night. Her intention wasn’t to make me cry but I did. Anger, fear etc all come from not feeling worthy. Good thing I always have things to work on.

I also had been the board Chairmen for Meals on Wheels and Span of Denton County for the past two years. I came in during a very difficult time had to fire a friend who was the ED and then ran the organization for 6 months until we got someone hired. I resigned today from the organization because of what I had going on in my life. It was a very emotional speech for me , but i had a ton of support. Once my life started taking a turn for the worst I tried to feel important and needed by joining a bunch of boards about things I was passionate about. I wound up not doing a lot for any. So I have stepped away from Rotary, Meals on Wheels. I have 4 other organizations that I m still working through but my focus has changed and who I want and need to help.

Thanks to sheila, Ed, Slyder, Deanna, for the encouragement today. For the two that asked today I will love again don’t worry.

A few quotes that I hope you can use in your daily life:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Elanor Roosevelt

It aint no sin to be glad your alive Bruce Springsteen

When experience is viewed in a certain way, it presents nothing but doorways into the domain of the soul Jon Kabat Zinn

Rule 2:

I’m enrolled in life- with that comes Lessons and everyday love or hate them they are coming.

I have started searching why am I here and my purpose. Mine is unique and separate from yours. I can’t learn any of those without my lessons. I know that I will have to face challenges you want and you that I want . I used to sit and wonder why someone had a wonderful marriage and mine sucked. Why someone had abundance and I did not. I learned that the hard way because everything in my life was taken from me before I learned that except my children. We make a choice if we want to learn them  its only up to us. I know that I can’t be a victim any longer and life no longer just happens to me.. I have learned gifts about myself that I never knew I had it wasn’t easy but its becoming rewarding.

Getting back to me just a bit I spoke to my almost fist fight with my customer probably one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. We struggled throughout the rest of 2009 but there was light at the end of the tunnel I thought. I mentioned I was paying 7K a month to service debt (just paying minimums). I was sporadic not taking a check just making sure that my subs, suppliers, and employees got paid. I had started trying to rebrand the company with new logo, colors, etc to go after a different market and change the culture. Well I did that and what it did allowed me to file business bankruptcy and start fresh in business. This is one of the worst problems in Texas. You can screw up anything and then just go open something else. Sept 18th 2009 we filed the business bankruptcy. I truly believed this was the last day my ex wanted anything to do with me. It marked all my failures. We actually had a small Christmas party which was the highlight of the year because we made it to Christmas. I had no guidance during this process at all if I would have I would have shut the company down and paid my dues. I kept getting encouragement to move forward and every time something good happened bad then crept in. I was elected to the Greater Dallas HBA Remodler’s Council Chairmen. It took a lot of time and energy and I failed miserably at that as well. There was nothing good going on.
I kept moving forward and then something I really never knew was going to happen did all of the business debt was in my name and the creditors wanted their money. They started coming after it and they were ruthless.

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