Day 881 This is really hard sometimes

My buddy Jim and I went to the Texas Rangers game last night for dollar hot-dog night. I was so pumped to eat so many hot dogs I threw up. Well I’m sad to report that I ate 3. Yep only three it’s just a sign Im getting old and hot dog are not what I imagined them to be. Rangers lost 8-2 and I laughed a bunch and that’s all that matters..

I can speak for the people close to me and my family within Rock Bottom life is a journey. Some of it has been simply amazing, the day I was married, the day my daughter and son were laid in my arms the first time, the day I got my first job out of college, when my dad said he was proud of me, when my daughter said I could stop apologizing and she was proud of me. Those are just a few of the great moments in my life but like I said its a journey. I spent more of my life in the valley, grabbing a hold of rocks and slipping down the hill, left in my own tears, watching them lower my father into the ground, telling my kids we were getting a divorce, finding out my mom had Parkinson’s, walking out of the courthouse the day of my divorce, pulling up to the hill in Aubrey Texas to take my life. I would go back further but not to bore you. Many days I wake up having no clue what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. I just trust that I’m hearing God right and let him guide me because when I followed my own way I feel into a pit and sometimes I do still. Sometimes when I hot publish on this blog, I know my trolls are about to attack. I know when I speak or post on my Facebook page Im going to get good and bad. When I speak on the radio some person is not going to agree and the verbal and personal jabs are going to hurt. Then comes yesterday!

I posted the following yesterday: Show a man his failures without Jesus, and the result will be found in a roadside gutter. Give a man religion without reminding him of his filth, and the result will be arrogance in a three-piece suit. But get the two in the same heart – get sin to meet Savior and Savior to meet sin – and the result might just be another Pharisee turned preacher who sets the world on fire.
Max Lucado
Romans 10:9-10 (NASU)
That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

Two people who I have been friends with over 30 years began an onslaught of things from my past: You’re a lying fool, I remember when you pulled a gun, when you passed drugs to someone, when you beat up that guy, etc.. He pulled all my past and then stated your “Jesus” didn’t save your marriage  or the things that went with it, like your dad, your business etc.. He said I listened to your radio show on Monday and just laughed you and everyone with Rock bottom are just a bunch of attention seeking whores that are just going to hurt more than you help. I didn’t say much more than you must be trying to find something because you listened to the show and you follow me closer than most. I said I all I can do is pray for you and love. He said no need I wont be a part of your crap anymore. 30 minutes later A girl I “dated” on and off for 2 years from high school to college texted me and I got the same words essentially.  She left me these words do remember what you did to me how many more did it happen to or now. It’s like they were talking over coffee and said let’s get this SOB. That they did!

So what did it do? It made me question me more than I ever have. Yes I know it’s not the truth and its two broken people trying to attack someone in a place they can’t be right now. Very true they know my past garbage but I’m not that man anymore. I know Im not perfect and Im not trying to be. God didn’t say don’t sin, he said confess your sins. Rick with Rock bottom and I talk often how we are held to a standard of perfection and we will never be able to do that. When we don’t I promise I beat myself up enough. I am convicted now and that’s better than I ever was. Jesus walked the earth and was lied about, ridicule, and eventually they beat the crap out of him , poked holes in his body and hung him to die. So why would I think I should be treated any different? I don’t, it’s just really hard sometimes when your trying to live your life right and then you get beaten down so bad.

I know what I signed up for. I would never change any of it. I wish I could make everyone I know that I hurt that I was sorry and they believed it but that’s not on me. I have said all I can say. I ask you this: If you have people in your life that are trying to better themselves please stop beating them over the head with their past. They know much better than you how they screwed up. Give them a chance to show you and listen to them be Jesus to you because it maybe the only Jesus you see in an earthly form. If what they are saying to you indirectly or directly is affecting you it might be time to listen.

Please don’t feel sorry for me I have enough warriors on my side to get me through my journey but if this bothers you and it upsets you, I always have room for more on my journey…

Day 691 Your dreams are really stupid

The time approaches for the big, jolly, guy in the red suit to pack his sleigh. Well this guy is finished shopping and all presents are wrapped. I love this time of year so much and what we can do for others. Please adopt someone and bless them. $50 dollars of gifts to some is an equal to $1000 for us. Just do something for someone else. The need is great and you need it too.

Writing this blog is hard because every dream I had been shattered by my own doing. I had many dreams some selfish but some that could have changed my part of  the world. Dreams are what make life tolerable. It’s why we get up some-days, when we feel so low its the one thing that can make us get  out of bed and just put our feet on the floor.  Just the excitement of knowing we are going to accomplish something that we thought we couldn’t do. Like I said all my previous dreams were shattered but the good thing is my life was spared and I’m starting to dream again. Not only for me, but my kids but others too. When you ask someone their dream and the spark comes back in their eye you know that you can help. Dreams are accomplished by having goals, someone to push u when you fall down, grabbing you by the hand and picking you up off the floor, and celebrating each milestone of your goal. I true believe that I’m here to help you be a dream catcher. May sound corny but when I can help I want to. Which brings me to yesterday:

I was in a coffee shop listening to two women talk. I heard more blah blah, but then this lady said you know what I dream about… A craft shop for women that have never had the time or money because of whatever life threw  at them.. It would have childcare and that all the supplies would be donated. You could see in her eyes that she had thought about it a lot and I was like how cool. Then her “friend” said to her that is one really stupid dream. I almost fell out of my chair.  the look on the woman’s face was total defeat. I continued to listen the reasons it wouldn’t work then I should have minded my own business but I didn’t. I said if your her friend why would you kill her dream. You should be encouraging her. I said because your’re a coward and you stopped dreaming doesn’t mean others have. I told the lady that her dream was awesome and go bless those other women. I put my ear buds in and I didn’t hear anything else. They left before I did and I thought what a crappy day that lady is going to have. When I got up and left they were in the parking lot talking. I went and opened my door and I got a tap on my shoulder. Sir, I’m not sure who you are but thank you. I knew my friend was going to shoot down my idea but you gave me hope, I told her don’t let anyone kill your dream and I expect to see your shop around in 2015. I got a hug and she left.

Don’t you dare kill someones dream. Just because it’s not yours doesn’t make it wrong. If they have the courage and you don’t then encourage them. Life is about hopes and dreams and doing what people say is impossible. If you stop dreaming you die. Here’s to life.

Day 117 A women’s smile

I love Texas and always will but two weird things have happened this year. We haven’t had any really bad storms which means there coming and tonight it could be 37 degrees Yes in May! I out away winter cloths and this morning my son threw a fit because he said he was sweating yesterday and now I m putting him in a sweater. When he walked outside he said oh what happened. I said mother nature is cranky he then asked whose mother nature. I just said lets just know it’s cold and by Saturday it will be warm.

I’m going to write in the future about flattery and a compliments and there is a very big difference but we all need compliments. Even getting one from a total stranger can keep you smiling and totally change your day for the better.I don’t go looking for nice things to say but sometimes you just know. I walked into a QT yesterday and this lady had amazing hair. Yes when you’re a single guy you notice things you didn’t before.  She dropped her coffee and it  looked like it had been one of those mornings. I let her get her coffee situated and then said told her that her hair was really beautiful. She looked at me and smiled and said how did you know I needed that? I said honestly I liked your hair and you spilled your coffee. She said my husband didn’t say a word and I thought I looked good and you made my day.

I heard the words but what I remembered was her smile. I m  a sucker for a women with a beautiful smile. There is nothing more beautiful when a women looks at you and she’s happy. Not the fake happy but you feel radiance, confidence, appreciation through her smile. I know what it was like to make a women frown and piss her off. I knew the problems were there and getting worse when the smile was gone. If a compliment could make a women smile that way every time I would do it every hour.  What women don’t know that to a man when you smile it lets us know some of the following: You gave us a little leniency, covers up our awkward social mess ups, laugh off hurt, lets us know you may want sex (I did say may). Just know rather than you got me at hello you had me when you smiled.

 

Day 117 A women’s smile

I love Texas and always will but two weird things have happened this year. We haven’t had any really bad storms which means there coming and tonight it could be 37 degrees Yes in May! I out away winter cloths and this morning my son threw a fit because he said he was sweating yesterday and now I m putting him in a sweater. When he walked outside he said oh what happened. I said mother nature is cranky he then asked whose mother nature. I just said lets just know it’s cold and by Saturday it will be warm.

I’m going to write in the future about flattery and a compliments and there is a very big difference but we all need compliments. Even getting one from a total stranger can keep you smiling and totally change your day for the better.I don’t go looking for nice things to say but sometimes you just know. I walked into a QT yesterday and this lady had amazing hair. Yes when you’re a single guy you notice things you didn’t before.  She dropped her coffee and it  looked like it had been one of those mornings. I let her get her coffee situated and then said told her that her hair was really beautiful. She looked at me and smiled and said how did you know I needed that? I said honestly I liked your hair and you spilled your coffee. She said my husband didn’t say a word and I thought I looked good and you made my day.

I heard the words but what I remembered was her smile. I m  a sucker for a women with a beautiful smile. There is nothing more beautiful when a women looks at you and she’s happy. Not the fake happy but you feel radiance, confidence, appreciation through her smile. I know what it was like to make a women frown and piss her off. I knew the problems were there and getting worse when the smile was gone. If a compliment could make a women smile that way every time I would do it every hour.  What women don’t know that to a man when you smile it lets us know some of the following: You gave us a little leniency, covers up our awkward social mess ups, laugh off hurt, lets us know you may want sex (I did say may). Just know rather than you got me at hello you had me when you smiled.