Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

20 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

19 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

19 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 627 Why do you have to be such a witch with a B.

15 10 2014

Ever stopped what has died inside of us because of other people, our thoughts, our fears, our just lack of knowledge or understanding. This really made me think yesterday.

IMG_294016076964112

I usually spend 3 days a week at Starbucks free wifi and coffee. I always try to say hi to anyone whose up looking around. Usually its hi how are you. Most people wave or give a knowing nod and you might get someone who wants to speak but not usually. yesterday I said hi to what men would like to call at 10 on a rating scale for women. (Yes I know its being a pig that’s how men are though) She was gorgeous but she had that look that you just walk away from. I did my thing and said hi how are you. She then says I don’t think so. I stopped and turned around and said excuse me. She says I don’t date guys like you. Then my thought bubble over my head was like: You’re a real witch with a B, jump inside her and tear her down, . My insecurities were raised, how dare you. So I turned and asked her what did you mean. She said I don’t date guys that look like you. I then said: do you really think you’re so pretty that you can’t be nice. It’s really sad that your heart is that destroyed that all you have is your looks. Beauty is inside first outside second. If you were the last women that walked this earth I couldn’t date you. I could never make you happy and your on a surface level. I one of the best guys you will ever meet. I’m sorry whoever treated you the way that you think your only something to look at. Im sure there’s more to you.  She just looked at me and blinked. Im sure a guy had never talked to her like that. She said I think you misunderstood me. No I heard you correctly I think you misunderstood yourself.  I said just fake a hello your never to beautiful to be nice.

I probably should have shown more grace but to know that your that miserable is truly sad. No matter who you are a simple hello does good for both people. sure I know I’m not everyone first choice. I’m not going to be on the front of GQ maybe chubby GQ but life is so much more than looks. All looks fade or can be taken away. You better like that person at their core because when you get tired of how they look the inside of that person is what matters. See I’m not looking for everyone women to like me just one. One that loves me all of me. I chased the BS of life and it left me in a pile of my crap with why me. No matter how great , beautiful, handsome, you think you are if your inside sucks so do your looks. To that girl yesterday you’re  beautiful inside you just don’t know it. Find someone who sees all the good about you not what they can just see or touch on the outside.





Day 627 Why do you have to be such a witch with a B.

15 10 2014

Ever stopped what has died inside of us because of other people, our thoughts, our fears, our just lack of knowledge or understanding. This really made me think yesterday.

IMG_294016076964112

I usually spend 3 days a week at Starbucks free wifi and coffee. I always try to say hi to anyone whose up looking around. Usually its hi how are you. Most people wave or give a knowing nod and you might get someone who wants to speak but not usually. yesterday I said hi to what men would like to call at 10 on a rating scale for women. (Yes I know its being a pig that’s how men are though) She was gorgeous but she had that look that you just walk away from. I did my thing and said hi how are you. She then says I don’t think so. I stopped and turned around and said excuse me. She says I don’t date guys like you. Then my thought bubble over my head was like: You’re a real witch with a B, jump inside her and tear her down, . My insecurities were raised, how dare you. So I turned and asked her what did you mean. She said I don’t date guys that look like you. I then said: do you really think you’re so pretty that you can’t be nice. It’s really sad that your heart is that destroyed that all you have is your looks. Beauty is inside first outside second. If you were the last women that walked this earth I couldn’t date you. I could never make you happy and your on a surface level. I one of the best guys you will ever meet. I’m sorry whoever treated you the way that you think your only something to look at. Im sure there’s more to you.  She just looked at me and blinked. Im sure a guy had never talked to her like that. She said I think you misunderstood me. No I heard you correctly I think you misunderstood yourself.  I said just fake a hello your never to beautiful to be nice.

I probably should have shown more grace but to know that your that miserable is truly sad. No matter who you are a simple hello does good for both people. sure I know I’m not everyone first choice. I’m not going to be on the front of GQ maybe chubby GQ but life is so much more than looks. All looks fade or can be taken away. You better like that person at their core because when you get tired of how they look the inside of that person is what matters. See I’m not looking for everyone women to like me just one. One that loves me all of me. I chased the BS of life and it left me in a pile of my crap with why me. No matter how great , beautiful, handsome, you think you are if your inside sucks so do your looks. To that girl yesterday you’re  beautiful inside you just don’t know it. Find someone who sees all the good about you not what they can just see or touch on the outside.





Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

13 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.





Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

12 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.








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