DAY 635 the marriage spiral that we have to stop

24 10 2014

Its been one busy week. I got to go to 2 concerts of bands that got me through in Green Rover Ordinance and Yellowcard. I also had been men’s group and today we (Rock Bottom Outreach) got to speak at Euless Jr High all day. I love doing it but sometimes you see kids 11-14 go through and it brings a tear to your eye. So much pain but at least we can share our stories and hopefully get someone out of their hell. Tonight I get  to hear the most beautiful little lady sing her first 7th grade choir concert. My daughter and son are amazing if I never mentioned it.

I had a pretty deep conversation the other night about marriage and where it starts and where it goes. This in no means all marriages but now the divorce rate is at 57% (which I’m not sure how that number works) but marriages stats aren’t good.

You find someone who makes your stomach full of butterflies. You want to spend every minute with them, never hang up the phone with them, the next day can’t come soon enough.  You love the smell of her hair, the way when you hold hands it fits perfectly, when she looks at you there is no other place in the world you want to be. You do anything for, you get up early make her coffee, you take care of a project for her, you buy her something only you and her know she likes. Forward: You meet her parents and she meets yours, you act like you not scare but you get that way because she thinks your family is weird and vice versa.  You have your first fight and you react in a way you never have, she says things to you that you have never heard about yourself. Life happens and she runs from and you have to go catch her? You want to change her and she wants to fix you. Your thinking is this what true love is and why are they acting this way. You really like so many things about that person but the things you don’t are really bad. You somehow forget the bad long enough to find a ring and spend a lot of money on something that you’re not sure but you lover her and you know how the process works. You surprise her and her friends think you’re the best. She says yes and now you sit back and are told to just show up to your wedding. In the meantime you start hanging out with your friends that are already married and they tell you how so much is about to change. She hears from her friends and hear this is whats going to happen and you can’t let me do these things. The day finally comes and it is amazing but you almost don’t remember any of it because you were so busy with other people. You look at her and say I have never sen such a beautiful woman and she thinks wow he is so amazingly handsome. It’s the last time you look at each other that way. Even bringing up your wedding photos you can’t remember. You both find out where you want to move get a house, car, decide to have children and then life goes into a different direction. She wants to be a mom more than anything, you want to be a dad but your so scared because you have no idea what to do. You agree and get lucky and now your pregnant. Your ready books and get the house ready and at the same time your drifting apart. Shes thinking how to be the best mom were thinking, how do you pay for all of this, what do I do. You both stopped working on your relationship. You stop dating, and really only talk about being parents.  The baby gets here and its a magical day but your so scared. Your sleep deprived, your afraid and you stop having a relationship with each other. The relationship is just about the kids. One year later at the 1 year old party you both look back put on your fake smile for everyone else and realize I have no idea who I married where did they go. You haven’t dated, you haven’t slept, bills are piling up. The guy starts coming home because (he’s working) He’s actually hiding. She stops feeling loved. You start fighting more and saying things you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. You go to some vacations and rekindle some love but once back in your environment the relationship drifts apart. You decide to have another child to fix it (The relationship). You wake up with your second child. Your focus now is on kids, work other relationships, hobbies and you stop telling the one you love that I love you. You haven’t touched in months. You start really disliking each other. You finds ways to spend time apart and not together. You try because church or a friend knows your struggling. Your date no is what do you want to ea and time on your phone. You go home thinking I really don’t like him or her. You press on because you should but still don’t put in the effort. Your find starts drifting. Someone at work starts complimenting you. You start wish your husband or wife was like them.  Before you know it your fights are so bad you forget the kids are in the room, your drinking because its normal, and if that person lived or died you wouldn’t care. The word divorce is mentioned in a fight and right then and there life will never be the same. You stretch it out a bit more without ever working on it and now you come in and say I can’t do this anymore. You ask for a divorce they are  happy to give it. The papers are signed, kids are ripped open, you hate someone for the first time and can’t wait to be away from them or see them again. So now your one of the 57% and you decide that the other person was such an asshole that I didn’t do anything wrong in my relationship you go find another person who thinks just like you and the process starts again. Good thing is second marriage failure is 86%. This has to stop and Im only one person but the facts back it. Stop this now please. There is a lot of life left behind and hearts crushed.





DAY 635 the marriage spiral that we have to stop

23 10 2014

Its been one busy week. I got to go to 2 concerts of bands that got me through in Green Rover Ordinance and Yellowcard. I also had been men’s group and today we (Rock Bottom Outreach) got to speak at Euless Jr High all day. I love doing it but sometimes you see kids 11-14 go through and it brings a tear to your eye. So much pain but at least we can share our stories and hopefully get someone out of their hell. Tonight I get  to hear the most beautiful little lady sing her first 7th grade choir concert. My daughter and son are amazing if I never mentioned it.

 

I had a pretty deep conversation the other night about marriage and where it starts and where it goes. This in no means all marriages but now the divorce rate is at 57% (which I’m not sure how that number works) but marriages stats aren’t good.

You find someone who makes your stomach full of butterflies. You want to spend every minute with them, never hang up the phone with them, the next day can’t come soon enough.  You love the smell of her hair, the way when you hold hands it fits perfectly, when she looks at you there is no other place in the world you want to be. You do anything for, you get up early make her coffee, you take care of a project for her, you buy her something only you and her know she likes. Forward: You meet her parents and she meets yours, you act like you not scare but you get that way because she thinks your family is weird and vice versa.  You have your first fight and you react in a way you never have, she says things to you that you have never heard about yourself. Life happens and she runs from and you have to go catch her? You want to change her and she wants to fix you. Your thinking is this what true love is and why are they acting this way. You really like so many things about that person but the things you don’t are really bad. You somehow forget the bad long enough to find a ring and spend a lot of money on something that you’re not sure but you lover her and you know how the process works. You surprise her and her friends think you’re the best. She says yes and now you sit back and are told to just show up to your wedding. In the meantime you start hanging out with your friends that are already married and they tell you how so much is about to change. She hears from her friends and hear this is whats going to happen and you can’t let me do these things. The day finally comes and it is amazing but you almost don’t remember any of it because you were so busy with other people. You look at her and say I have never sen such a beautiful woman and she thinks wow he is so amazingly handsome. It’s the last time you look at each other that way. Even bringing up your wedding photos you can’t remember. You both find out where you want to move get a house, car, decide to have children and then life goes into a different direction. She wants to be a mom more than anything, you want to be a dad but your so scared because you have no idea what to do. You agree and get lucky and now your pregnant. Your ready books and get the house ready and at the same time your drifting apart. Shes thinking how to be the best mom were thinking, how do you pay for all of this, what do I do. You both stopped working on your relationship. You stop dating, and really only talk about being parents.  The baby gets here and its a magical day but your so scared. Your sleep deprived, your afraid and you stop having a relationship with each other. The relationship is just about the kids. One year later at the 1 year old party you both look back put on your fake smile for everyone else and realize I have no idea who I married where did they go. You haven’t dated, you haven’t slept, bills are piling up. The guy starts coming home because (he’s working) He’s actually hiding. She stops feeling loved. You start fighting more and saying things you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. You go to some vacations and rekindle some love but once back in your environment the relationship drifts apart. You decide to have another child to fix it (The relationship). You wake up with your second child. Your focus now is on kids, work other relationships, hobbies and you stop telling the one you love that I love you. You haven’t touched in months. You start really disliking each other. You finds ways to spend time apart and not together. You try because church or a friend knows your struggling. Your date no is what do you want to ea and time on your phone. You go home thinking I really don’t like him or her. You press on because you should but still don’t put in the effort. Your find starts drifting. Someone at work starts complimenting you. You start wish your husband or wife was like them.  Before you know it your fights are so bad you forget the kids are in the room, your drinking because its normal, and if that person lived or died you wouldn’t care. The word divorce is mentioned in a fight and right then and there life will never be the same. You stretch it out a bit more without ever working on it and now you come in and say I can’t do this anymore. You ask for a divorce they are  happy to give it. The papers are signed, kids are ripped open, you hate someone for the first time and can’t wait to be away from them or see them again. So now your one of the 57% and you decide that the other person was such an asshole that I didn’t do anything wrong in my relationship you go find another person who thinks just like you and the process starts again. Good thing is second marriage failure is 86%. This has to stop and Im only one person but the facts back it. Stop this now please. There is a lot of life left behind and hearts crushed.





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

20 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

19 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

19 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 627 Why do you have to be such a witch with a B.

15 10 2014

Ever stopped what has died inside of us because of other people, our thoughts, our fears, our just lack of knowledge or understanding. This really made me think yesterday.

IMG_294016076964112

I usually spend 3 days a week at Starbucks free wifi and coffee. I always try to say hi to anyone whose up looking around. Usually its hi how are you. Most people wave or give a knowing nod and you might get someone who wants to speak but not usually. yesterday I said hi to what men would like to call at 10 on a rating scale for women. (Yes I know its being a pig that’s how men are though) She was gorgeous but she had that look that you just walk away from. I did my thing and said hi how are you. She then says I don’t think so. I stopped and turned around and said excuse me. She says I don’t date guys like you. Then my thought bubble over my head was like: You’re a real witch with a B, jump inside her and tear her down, . My insecurities were raised, how dare you. So I turned and asked her what did you mean. She said I don’t date guys that look like you. I then said: do you really think you’re so pretty that you can’t be nice. It’s really sad that your heart is that destroyed that all you have is your looks. Beauty is inside first outside second. If you were the last women that walked this earth I couldn’t date you. I could never make you happy and your on a surface level. I one of the best guys you will ever meet. I’m sorry whoever treated you the way that you think your only something to look at. Im sure there’s more to you.  She just looked at me and blinked. Im sure a guy had never talked to her like that. She said I think you misunderstood me. No I heard you correctly I think you misunderstood yourself.  I said just fake a hello your never to beautiful to be nice.

I probably should have shown more grace but to know that your that miserable is truly sad. No matter who you are a simple hello does good for both people. sure I know I’m not everyone first choice. I’m not going to be on the front of GQ maybe chubby GQ but life is so much more than looks. All looks fade or can be taken away. You better like that person at their core because when you get tired of how they look the inside of that person is what matters. See I’m not looking for everyone women to like me just one. One that loves me all of me. I chased the BS of life and it left me in a pile of my crap with why me. No matter how great , beautiful, handsome, you think you are if your inside sucks so do your looks. To that girl yesterday you’re  beautiful inside you just don’t know it. Find someone who sees all the good about you not what they can just see or touch on the outside.





Day 627 Why do you have to be such a witch with a B.

15 10 2014

Ever stopped what has died inside of us because of other people, our thoughts, our fears, our just lack of knowledge or understanding. This really made me think yesterday.

IMG_294016076964112

I usually spend 3 days a week at Starbucks free wifi and coffee. I always try to say hi to anyone whose up looking around. Usually its hi how are you. Most people wave or give a knowing nod and you might get someone who wants to speak but not usually. yesterday I said hi to what men would like to call at 10 on a rating scale for women. (Yes I know its being a pig that’s how men are though) She was gorgeous but she had that look that you just walk away from. I did my thing and said hi how are you. She then says I don’t think so. I stopped and turned around and said excuse me. She says I don’t date guys like you. Then my thought bubble over my head was like: You’re a real witch with a B, jump inside her and tear her down, . My insecurities were raised, how dare you. So I turned and asked her what did you mean. She said I don’t date guys that look like you. I then said: do you really think you’re so pretty that you can’t be nice. It’s really sad that your heart is that destroyed that all you have is your looks. Beauty is inside first outside second. If you were the last women that walked this earth I couldn’t date you. I could never make you happy and your on a surface level. I one of the best guys you will ever meet. I’m sorry whoever treated you the way that you think your only something to look at. Im sure there’s more to you.  She just looked at me and blinked. Im sure a guy had never talked to her like that. She said I think you misunderstood me. No I heard you correctly I think you misunderstood yourself.  I said just fake a hello your never to beautiful to be nice.

I probably should have shown more grace but to know that your that miserable is truly sad. No matter who you are a simple hello does good for both people. sure I know I’m not everyone first choice. I’m not going to be on the front of GQ maybe chubby GQ but life is so much more than looks. All looks fade or can be taken away. You better like that person at their core because when you get tired of how they look the inside of that person is what matters. See I’m not looking for everyone women to like me just one. One that loves me all of me. I chased the BS of life and it left me in a pile of my crap with why me. No matter how great , beautiful, handsome, you think you are if your inside sucks so do your looks. To that girl yesterday you’re  beautiful inside you just don’t know it. Find someone who sees all the good about you not what they can just see or touch on the outside.








jimmicampkin

My writing

Just another corner

Meeting new faces in analog.

The Hurt Healer

Inspiration to live your life as the person you were meant to be.

a sort of romance

a mistake in true love

The Phil Factor

Where Sarcasm Gets Drunk & Lets Its Hair Down

SERENDIPITY

Marilyn Armstrong - Seeking Intelligent Life on Earth

Al ritmo político

En sintonía con la realidad

BALI TOUR

Private Bali Tours Services

The Horrifically Horrifying Horror Blog

Inspiring ghouls of the fictional world of horror everywhere.

JAMESMAYORBLOG.COM

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

litebeing chronicles

the adventures of a part-time mystic

Soul Set in Motion

Your Guide to Soul-ful Living

myredabyss

Journal Of A Lonely Plague Lover

danielandtasco

Mom, Daniel & Tasco

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,994 other followers