Day 613 STOP CHEATING NOW

30 09 2014

After always trying to make people laugh I will try again. What kind of roads do ghosts hunt? Dead Ends. Thats funny I don’t care who you are. Are you aware that tomorrow is the greatest month on the calendar. You know why because my mom and I were born in October. I know you understand now.

Besides the death of significant other there is nothing more painful than cheating. I would argue that cheating is worse because there is never an end to the thoughts of why. The pain runs deep and you can never say anything that makes it better. You fall in love with who you think will be your everything, you will be together forever, and you never think that this person that stood with you and said they wanted to be with you forever can just leave you and not really have an other emotion or word than I’m sorry!

There is nothing you can say or do to fix it. Whats done is done. There is not any way you can explain it away. You can’t tell your kids when there older this is why I did it. Your reasons suck because it’s this simple. I don’t love you anymore and if we stay together I don’t trust myself to not do something stupid. Why do people think that if I never say anything I will get away with it. You will get caught and after you get caught the damage is so much worse than just standing up and being real at the beginning. If you have been cheated on you know the pain and if you were the cheater then you have no idea what you have done to the other person and kids if you have them. I have heard but I did itt because blah blah this and blah blah that. My questions to them was if they did and said that to you would you except that. Nobody has ever said yes that acceptable.

I want you to forgive the cheater and make it work, but I understand that many times that’s a fairy tail. The guilt, the I don’t give a shit, or just the pain of someones past, keeps them from making it better. This is a hot button for me because three people dumped on me yesterday. One who was cheated on, two that did the cheating. The two that did the cheating asked me in June and July to help them, give them advice. I did and I said if you get alone with this person you will fall. So yesterday both of them came to me and said I messed up bad. How do I fix it. One of them a lady asked me to come sit with her when she tells her husband. I almost laughed that she would drag me into it. I understand the other person is at fault for not fulfilling your needs and is flawed but THERE IS NEVER A REASON TO CHEAT.

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence is the dumbest thing ever said. If you would stop looking over there and water your own grass its pretty damn green on your side too. See what the cheater doesn’t understand while your cheating is the following: The other person that is “so great” is flawed, your only seeing their best side, you don’t know how loud they snore, their nasty habits, why their cheating with you, their anger, their past, family. All you get is the lies and the stories they want you to hear. the divorce rate for second marriage is 87% good lord wake up and realize that it’s just not worth it.  I know their there are many reason to divorce but to cheat never. You’re a coward and its all comes back and bites you in the ass later so your playing roulette and you will lose.

If you’re seeing that person at work,  gym, church (yes church), starbucks and you start having that person telling you what you want to hear and you’re doing the same to them. get up and cut it off now. If you are cheating STOP NOW! Go fess up and deal with the broken crashed life that is coming but do it because remember you used to love that person and release both of you from  your hell. Or fess up and get on your knees and beg for forgiveness and get yourself some help and pray to God that the person takes your sorry butt back. I have seen relationships heal. It can and will happen but only by Gods grace. Rant is over !!!!

 





Day 611 I have a pretty kick butt life

29 09 2014

There have been a lot of changes in life lately. Sometimes I want to blog about them and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Also there are actually things in my life I don’t talk about because its nobody’s business.  I have been told the past two weeks that my blogs have been  really good. I guess the others have sucked lol. When I speak from my heart no matter, how raw or hurtful, or deep they may go those are my best blogs. I appreciate you reading and also when I see you out in public and I had no idea you read them but you let me know.

I always get suggestions about my blog. Write about this or that. I use a lot of them and Im using one I got Friday. My friend said you never write about being happy. I know you and you’re a really happy person. It’s not that I don’t because if you follow my blog where I am at today in my life I think my blogs come across more like than I am happy than not.  I write my blog to help me but to also helps those that feel a certain way or feel in the future. I have been through hell and back and where  am at now is pretty good. So with the advice here I go.

I have the best intermediate family any man could ask for. My kids are so amazing they have overcome everything we threw at them and are still standing tall.. My mother is the best mom even with Parkinson’s you would n’t know, she has never let me down and I always can count on her.  I love her so much and Im still her little boy. My sister is a badasss. She loves and is an amazing giver. My nephew is the smartest and most athletic kid. Im a grinder, Im an over-comer. I have shed more bad crap in my life in the past 2.5 years than most will do in a lifetime. I see things that most people  cant or wont. Im vulnerable, raw open, loving, I will give the shirt off my back. Those things are new but so happy that I can finally be that way. I have the best friends in the world. They are all different in their friendship with me but bring something amazing to the to the table. I have 3 very good friends that I guess would be called secret friends because of life circumstances but they have been my rock and carried me through some tough times. I wish I could mention them but they are okay just be there for me and vice versa. I have finally found my calling in that I have Rock Bottom Outreach which is my new family. I was accepted with open arms and now we have a bond and connection that we using to change lives. This has allowed me to speak to different groups of men, women and high school kids. Since I layout it all on the line my story is helping people change themselves.

I get to blog and have tons of readers and support, Sure I have haters but haters are just people waiting to let go of themselves so they can gone my team to help others. Im learning to love again. Its so slow and somedays painful but Im taking steps. If my journey is 100 steps Im on step three. I was on step one for 36 years so that a good thing. Sure I could give a list of problems but Im choosing to live my life moving forward and not backward. That is making me happy. If you talk to me everyday you know my struggles but you also know Im great to be around and Im funny. I love-making others laugh and that makes me happy. I weigh less and look better than any other point in my life. I weigh what I did in 8th grade. So with that. Im happy and lucky to be where I am at. My life is pretty kick butt and where I struggle Im fighting it and trying to make it better. Im bring in the good and getting rid of the bad. I couldn’t ask for much more but I do, but its to do better for others When I decided that my life will be lived for others my live became pretty kick butt. I appreciate the journey and truly thankful for the pain, anguish, the lost people , the lost life I had so I could be here.  Im kicking butt and only have more planned.





Day 611 I have a pretty kick butt life

28 09 2014

There have been a lot of changes in life lately. Sometimes I want to blog about them and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Also there are actually things in my life I don’t talk about because its nobody’s business.  I have been told the past two weeks that my blogs have been  really good. I guess the others have sucked lol. When I speak from my heart no matter, how raw or hurtful, or deep they may go those are my best blogs. I appreciate you reading and also when I see you out in public and I had no idea you read them but you let me know.

I always get suggestions about my blog. Write about this or that. I use a lot of them and Im using one I got Friday. My friend said you never write about being happy. I know you and you’re a really happy person. It’s not that I don’t because if you follow my blog where I am at today in my life I think my blogs come across more like than I am happy than not.  I write my blog to help me but to also helps those that feel a certain way or feel in the future. I have been through hell and back and where  am at now is pretty good. So with the advice here I go.

I have the best intermediate family any man could ask for. My kids are so amazing they have overcome everything we threw at them and are still standing tall.. My mother is the best mom even with Parkinson’s you would n’t know, she has never let me down and I always can count on her.  I love her so much and Im still her little boy. My sister is a badasss. She loves and is an amazing giver. My nephew is the smartest and most athletic kid. Im a grinder, Im an over-comer. I have shed more bad crap in my life in the past 2.5 years than most will do in a lifetime. I see things that most people  cant or wont. Im vulnerable, raw open, loving, I will give the shirt off my back. Those things are new but so happy that I can finally be that way. I have the best friends in the world. They are all different in their friendship with me but bring something amazing to the to the table. I have 3 very good friends that I guess would be called secret friends because of life circumstances but they have been my rock and carried me through some tough times. I wish I could mention them but they are okay just be there for me and vice versa. I have finally found my calling in that I have Rock Bottom Outreach which is my new family. I was accepted with open arms and now we have a bond and connection that we using to change lives. This has allowed me to speak to different groups of men, women and high school kids. Since I layout it all on the line my story is helping people change themselves.

I get to blog and have tons of readers and support, Sure I have haters but haters are just people waiting to let go of themselves so they can gone my team to help others. Im learning to love again. Its so slow and somedays painful but Im taking steps. If my journey is 100 steps Im on step three. I was on step one for 36 years so that a good thing. Sure I could give a list of problems but Im choosing to live my life moving forward and not backward. That is making me happy. If you talk to me everyday you know my struggles but you also know Im great to be around and Im funny. I love-making others laugh and that makes me happy. I weigh less and look better than any other point in my life. I weigh what I did in 8th grade. So with that. Im happy and lucky to be where I am at. My life is pretty kick butt and where I struggle Im fighting it and trying to make it better. Im bring in the good and getting rid of the bad. I couldn’t ask for much more but I do, but its to do better for others When I decided that my life will be lived for others my live became pretty kick butt. I appreciate the journey and truly thankful for the pain, anguish, the lost people , the lost life I had so I could be here.  Im kicking butt and only have more planned.

 





Day 607 The other 183 days

25 09 2014

After a two-hour trip walking around Wal-Mart the other night I can say that you can see everything and your wildest or scariest dreams can come true there. Okay maybe nightmares but it is amazing what people wear, what they talk about and how rude people can be to one other. If you have never been to peopleofwalmart.com I highly recommend it.

I’ve wrote about this before and sometimes it rears its ugly head. I have joint custody of my two kids 7 days on and 7 days off. Roughly its 183 days out of the year give or take. I feel almost magical when I have them. Yes it is hard and there are never enough hours in a day to get everything done. Some days I don’t appreciate my kids the way I should, but I try so damn hard. Every child needs the other parent as bad as the other. How parents try to control and manipulate a situation to keep the other parent away if they are fit and able is just mind-boggling to me. Saying that I fought for my kids to make sure we had joint custody.  I didn’t want my divorce but sometimes you make your bed and you have to lay in it. One of the hardest things and most difficult things is the pain we have caused our kids. If  you have never been divorced I know your heart is in the right place but save me how you understand because you don’t. We have done our best to make co-parenting work  its and for the most part we have. Doesn’t mean that we agree on everything, or see things the same a lot of the times but we are trying. Which is better than most relationships, but then there’s the other 183 days

I get a good morning call from my daughter and sometimes my son. I get a goodnight call from both. My world stops when I get those phone calls. To hear their voice is all I got and I promise on those days its enough. You have no idea how much your children can grow up in 7 days. The voice, their vocabulary, their jokes, smiles and outlook on life. How quick their fingernails grow, their hair or you notice your children s skin, or how they smell. I will go in their room and smell their pillows when their gone just so I can have some peace. I never signed up to be part-time dad, but I had my share in the failure or my marriage so I make the best of it.

My days without are filled with work, but also Im discovering me. I forgot who I was, what made me happy, what made me laugh, what my purpose was. So I spend my 183 days doing that. I have some stories for my kids because they always want to know what I did and did I have fun. I have done things without them here that I couldn’t if they were here. Mostly I think of ways to be a better daddy and how to prepare them for the good and bad in life. I work on being an example they would be proud of and a man that both can point to later in life and say my dad is what every man should strive to believe in.  I can’t tell you though the silence, loneliness, the hurt that comes with the other 183 days but its there. What I have learned is that I can either choose to sulk and whine about it or try to make it something good. Sure I struggle but Im finally learning to to be thankful for the pitfalls.

So why do I write this today. Im struggling this week with missing my kids, but I want to offer hope to any parent male or female. If your marriage is going down a path of destruction stop right now and start making it right. If you don’t you will be where Iam at. If you get here though you can take the lemons and make lemonade or take them the lemons and make orange juice. I prefer orange juice so that’s what I do.





Day 607 The other 183 days

24 09 2014

After a two-hour trip walking around Wal-Mart the other night I can say that you can see everything and your wildest or scariest dreams can come true there. Okay maybe nightmares but it is amazing what people wear, what they talk about and how rude people can be to one other. If you have never been to peopleofwalmart.com I highly recommend it.

I’ve wrote about this before and sometimes it rears its ugly head. I have joint custody of my two kids 7 days on and 7 days off. Roughly its 183 days out of the year give or take. I feel almost magical when I have them. Yes it is hard and there are never enough hours in a day to get everything done. Some days I don’t appreciate my kids the way I should, but I try so damn hard. Every child needs the other parent as bad as the other. How parents try to control and manipulate a situation to keep the other parent away if they are fit and able is just mind-boggling to me. Saying that I fought for my kids to make sure we had joint custody.  I didn’t want my divorce but sometimes you make your bed and you have to lay in it. One of the hardest things and most difficult things is the pain we have caused our kids. If  you have never been divorced I know your heart is in the right place but save me how you understand because you don’t. We have done our best to make co-parenting work  its and for the most part we have. Doesn’t mean that we agree on everything, or see things the same a lot of the times but we are trying. Which is better than most relationships, but then there’s the other 183 days

I get a good morning call from my daughter and sometimes my son. I get a goodnight call from both. My world stops when I get those phone calls. To hear their voice is all I got and I promise on those days its enough. You have no idea how much your children can grow up in 7 days. The voice, their vocabulary, their jokes, smiles and outlook on life. How quick their fingernails grow, their hair or you notice your children s skin, or how they smell. I will go in their room and smell their pillows when their gone just so I can have some peace. I never signed up to be part-time dad, but I had my share in the failure or my marriage so I make the best of it.

My days without are filled with work, but also Im discovering me. I forgot who I was, what made me happy, what made me laugh, what my purpose was. So I spend my 183 days doing that. I have some stories for my kids because they always want to know what I did and did I have fun. I have done things without them here that I couldn’t if they were here. Mostly I think of ways to be a better daddy and how to prepare them for the good and bad in life. I work on being an example they would be proud of and a man that both can point to later in life and say my dad is what every man should strive to believe in.  I can’t tell you though the silence, loneliness, the hurt that comes with the other 183 days but its there. What I have learned is that I can either choose to sulk and whine about it or try to make it something good. Sure I struggle but Im finally learning to to be thankful for the pitfalls.

So why do I write this today. Im struggling this week with missing my kids, but I want to offer hope to any parent male or female. If your marriage is going down a path of destruction stop right now and start making it right. If you don’t you will be where Iam at. If you get here though you can take the lemons and make lemonade or take them the lemons and make orange juice. I prefer orange juice so that’s what I do.





Day 604 Have sex already man

22 09 2014

One of my most interesting weekends in a long time. I had a great time and even took a nap today. If you know me that’s a rarity. Friday night football in Texas is something you have to attend. It’s really remarkable how a whole town can be there. We went to speak and pray for two different teams on Friday. One in Bryson  Texas. 6 man football. It’s a town of about 500 people.  My friend Rick and I  get there and saw kids petting an animal. I said that’s a funny looking dog but when the kids stepped back it was a baby deer. The kids explained that  The mother deer had died,  the kids at the school started feeding it and taking care of the deer. It’s the most friendly animal ever. I leaned down to get a pic and it kissed me. Only in small town Texas on a Friday night do I get tongue kissed by a deer.

Tyler deer

Those who know me and read this blog for a while know Im trying really hard to be a man who is patterning himself to be like Jesus. I fail so often, my mouth is like  a sailor, Im inappropriate with jokes, I still get pretty angry sometimes, but the one thing I can say is when it comes to sex I have done a damn good job in following what I should. I love sex and always have and I have hurt a lot of women with my selfish desires in my lifetime. I have created soul-ties and scars on women that I never should have. Sure they were responsible too but I’m a man and my job is to lead and show a woman how she should be treated not treat her like every other man has. Since August of 2011 I ve had sex 3 times. That’s 3 to many too. One of them was more of I want to do it and get it over with. the other two were because I was dating and did it. It’s not that they weren’t enjoyable just wrong. Last time was last November and yes Im dying and I want it like any other man but I know if I do that I can’t defend women from me. That I putting my desires above whats best for them. Im not looking for a Jesus Christ trophy or way to go but Im trying to show others and myself that if you have sex with someone you don’t care about its a killer even at my age.

Yesterday I saw a friend of mine and he told, so proud of you and your journey and how your helping others etc.. After about 5 minutes he said I know you’re not dating anyone but are you scoring. (I know ladies we are pigs and you don’t want to know what we say about you when your not around!)I said no you know I trying not to. It said whats wrong with you, we as men need it, it feels good, it would calm you down too. He grabs my shoulder and said just have sex man nobody is going to think less of you. I told him maybe but I will and that’s too much to bear. I explained to him that we all want to be loved and have people think that we are the best thing under the sun. One of the only ways we truly show it is through sex. If I knowingly have sex with someone I don’t care about but just need to get my rocks off then that makes me a pretty shitty man. I said have you ever sat down in front a woman and asked her for forgiveness for taking something (sex) that ddidn’tbelong to you? If you have never watched a woman cry big tears because 1. a man has never  apologized for having sex with her when I didn’t care 2. I left a wound on her that she carried 20 years later. I said I have and Im trying not to do that again one because I don’t want to have another woman cry over me in that way, but I have a daughter and she deserves better to. I have to be an example starting now. He said I don’t understand but i want to. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done and many times I want to pick up the phone, call, drive over and be done. The feelings that come with that are indescribable. Not saying I wont fail and do it maybe even tomorrow but Im trying to be what Jesus asked.

So Im not better than any man that’s not trying it Im just trying to be the example that I had never  had been before. It’s hard to get up and tell young men and grown man how to overcome when you’re not doing different. I also know that If I can fight my desires that when I fall in love again it will be love and not lust. I failed in the lust war so its time to try love.





Day 604 Have sex already man

21 09 2014

One of my most interesting weekends in a long time. I had a great time and even took a nap today. If you know me that’s a rarity. Friday night football in Texas is something you have to attend. It’s really remarkable how a whole town can be there. We went to speak and pray for two different teams on Friday. One in Bryson  Texas. 6 man football. It’s a town of about 500 people.  My friend Rick and I  get there and saw kids petting an animal. I said that’s a funny looking dog but when the kids stepped back it was a baby deer. The kids explained that  The mother deer had died,  the kids at the school started feeding it and taking care of the deer. It’s the most friendly animal ever. I leaned down to get a pic and it kissed me. Only in small town Texas on a Friday night do I get tongue kissed by a deer.

Tyler deer

 

Those who know me and read this blog for a while know Im trying really hard to be a man who is patterning himself to be like Jesus. I fail so often, my mouth is like  a sailor, Im inappropriate with jokes, I still get pretty angry sometimes, but the one thing I can say is when it comes to sex I have done a damn good job in following what I should. I love sex and always have and I have hurt a lot of women with my selfish desires in my lifetime. I have created soul-ties and scars on women that I never should have. Sure they were responsible too but I’m a man and my job is to lead and show a woman how she should be treated not treat her like every other man has. Since August of 2011 I ve had sex 3 times. That’s 3 to many too. One of them was more of I want to do it and get it over with. the other two were because I was dating and did it. It’s not that they weren’t enjoyable just wrong. Last time was last November and yes Im dying and I want it like any other man but I know if I do that I can’t defend women from me. That I putting my desires above whats best for them. Im not looking for a Jesus Christ trophy or way to go but Im trying to show others and myself that if you have sex with someone you don’t care about its a killer even at my age.

Yesterday I saw a friend of mine and he told, so proud of you and your journey and how your helping others etc.. After about 5 minutes he said I know you’re not dating anyone but are you scoring. (I know ladies we are pigs and you don’t want to know what we say about you when your not around!)I said no you know I trying not to. It said whats wrong with you, we as men need it, it feels good, it would calm you down too. He grabs my shoulder and said just have sex man nobody is going to think less of you. I told him maybe but I will and that’s too much to bear. I explained to him that we all want to be loved and have people think that we are the best thing under the sun. One of the only ways we truly show it is through sex. If I knowingly have sex with someone I don’t care about but just need to get my rocks off then that makes me a pretty shitty man. I said have you ever sat down in front a woman and asked her for forgiveness for taking something (sex) that didn’t belong to you? If you have never watched a woman cry big tears because 1. a man has never  apologized for having sex with her when I didn’t care 2. I left a wound on her that she carried 20 years later. I said I have and Im trying not to do that again one because I don’t want to have another woman cry over me in that way, but I have a daughter and she deserves better to. I have to be an example starting now. He said I don’t understand but i want to. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done and many times I want to pick up the phone, call, drive over and be done. The feelings that come with that are indescribable. Not saying I wont fail and do it maybe even tomorrow but Im trying to be what Jesus asked.

So Im not better than any man that’s not trying it Im just trying to be the example that I had never  had been before. It’s hard to get up and tell young men and grown man how to overcome when you’re not doing different. I also know that If I can fight my desires that when I fall in love again it will be love and not lust. I failed in the lust war so its time to try love.








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