Day 540 Maybe I am a jerk

22 07 2014

Texas weather is always something to love and hate. Last week we had a polar vortex putting temps in the 80′s which is heaven. This week its 100 with 90% humidity. Its like your swimming when you walk. You go outside and sweat so much you smell like  a wet dog. I guess its wet dog for the next 60 days.

This will probably come across as whining so sorry but it’s becoming the truth. I’m beginning to think that honesty is not the best policy. Please don’t tell me you just need to be around different people. These are good people I’m telling the truth to. I’ve also learned that it’s how you say it. Some things you just  can’t put  a different way you just let them be said. I’m not a jerk, I’m a very honest, caring heartfelt person. I’m sick of feeling like a fool, the one whose always wrong, that I’m not strong, or a liar in disguise. People want honesty until it affects them. People can always pour it out but never pour it in.

I know people can live without me and vice versa. I know that every single person that has come and gone was there to teach me something. Some I know the lesson, some I didn’t and thought they were meaningless. I will never stop being honesty. I lived a life of lies and non words and it wrecked me. Just remember if you leave I can’t waste time and be taken advantage of because I’m a nice guy who has changed. Things could have been on what Might have been , standing on reason, arguing over different things. So if your leave you better get going on. It maybe for a short time or forever.

Just know I want you in my life but if we part ways there are no hard feelings I understand just don’t ask me to tell you anything but the truth. Sorry I whined, I get to write this blog and this is how i felt today.





Day 538 I miss her so much

21 07 2014

My babies are back and that means overdrive. We went to Top Golf on Friday night. If you have never been its great entertainment and a great way to get a taste for golf. My kids were really good and embarrassed me just a tad. We also volunteered at a Harley Davidson dealership for a bikini contest. We were the hands and feet but I must say it was easy for me to volunteer for  this one  :)

I miss you and everything about you! She is inviting.She is vulnerable. She is tender. She embodies mercy. She is also fierce and fiercely devoted. As the old saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.Life changes dramatically when romance comes into our lives.  Married people sometimes envy the single life and I promise single people envy the married. To have someone to just be sitting in a room with you. The non verbal ques that let you know what she’s thinking. Last night hanging out with some oh my boys we talked about being single. I told a couple of my boys that I missed her (which is the above) and they both looked at me and said I didn’t know you were dating. I said I’m not but (her) is the one I want. It’s not a girl I’m dating but the one I’m looking for. I miss the thought of who she is. You never appreciate a women like that until she is gone. A woman like that is what can make a man tick. I will find her and it wont be just because of her looks but because she is Tender and inviting, intimate and alluring, fiercely devoted and loving self,that men will be jealous. Wherever you are I miss you and I can’t wait to find you.





Day 538 I miss her so much

20 07 2014

My babies are back and that means overdrive. We went to Top Golf on Friday night. If you have never been its great entertainment and a great way to get a taste for golf. My kids were really good and embarrassed me just a tad. We also volunteered at a Harley Davidson dealership for a bikini contest. We were the hands and feet but I must say it was easy for me to volunteer for  this one :)

I miss you and everything about you! She is inviting.She is vulnerable. She is tender. She embodies mercy. She is also fierce and fiercely devoted. As the old saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.Life changes dramatically when romance comes into our lives.  Married people sometimes envy the single life and I promise single people envy the married. To have someone to just be sitting in a room with you. The non verbal ques that let you know what she’s thinking. Last night hanging out with some oh my boys we talked about being single. I told a couple of my boys that I missed her (which is the above) and they both looked at me and said I didn’t know you were dating. I said I’m not but (her) is the one I want. It’s not a girl I’m dating but the one I’m looking for. I miss the thought of who she is. You never appreciate a women like that until she is gone. A woman like that is what can make a man tick. I will find her and it wont be just because of her looks but because she is Tender and inviting, intimate and alluring, fiercely devoted and loving self,that men will be jealous. Wherever you are I miss you and I can’t wait to find you.





Day 532 Random Sex… Why

14 07 2014

Another busy weekend of volunteering. I love giving back and I know not only do I want to do it but I  need to. Getting a different perspective is so important. I got to fix sinks, paint, cook and serve chicken at this homeless shelter in downtown Fort Worth called Beautiful Feet ministries. People having so little but so thankful.. Here I am with so much but not nearly as thankful as I should.

Chicken Serve serve

Please know that I’m not telling anyone what to do or judging just some advice from learning the hard way and what I hear when I talk to people. I love sex probably more than most and my past proves that. I wanted to change so much after my divorce and I was counseled and warned what sex can do to a new relationship.  And since my divorce I have had sex to fulfill a need. Im sorry I did it not being a jerk but the feelings that came with came from a place and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

Let me tell you what the world says. You need your need fulfilled, you have to know if your compatible sexually, if you’re not compatible then your relationship will end. Your going to feel much better after it happens. If they don’t like you after sex then that’s good you didn’t need them.

Let me be honest based on my experience, counseling and what my single guy and girl friends are saying. If one of you is crazy or both you can’t find that out if your physically tied together. Thats science not opinion. If you can wait it out you’ll find out if you really like them and not just the sex.  We all know sex dies down after a while and you better like them otherwise your done. Three friends from Friday and Saturday said. Everything was fine and they had sex and now their relationship is over. All relationships were at least 8 weeks old. Once sex happened it . Why because it feels random we don’t trust that person yet and we DON’T KNOW THEM. we start putting them into a certain bucket and its easier to empty the bucket and move on. Sex is so emotional and it can be great but it can hurt too and can stir up a lot of emotions we didn’t know we would have or thought we were done with.

I know this isn’t popular or something many will agree with, but prove me wrong. I actually had a girl call me gay because I turned her down. I’m glad I did because I got tot see her crazy. It’s not that I didn’t want to I was trying to show respect. She had never been turned down she said guys always say yes. I told her I’m trying to be different and Im sorry every guy did that. I asked her did you feel like every one of those guys liked you or used you. She said used and I said well at least you won’t feel that way about me.

Nothing can bring you together or tear you apart like sex. If you really like that person wait and why not. What if saving until you know your going to be together winds up being the best thing ever.  Im not saying I can do it but Im trying my hardest. When you’re a man if you can protect your lady from yourself and show her that you care more for her than her body I promise your relationship will be stronger and better for it.  Im waiting on the messages about you’re an idiot so come on and let me have it. I have big shoulders.

via Day 532 Random Sex… Why.





Day 532 Random Sex… Why

14 07 2014

Another busy weekend of volunteering. I love giving back and I know not only do I want to do it but I  need to. Getting a different perspective is so important. I got to fix sinks, paint, cook and serve chicken at this homeless shelter in downtown Fort Worth called Beautiful Feet ministries. People having so little but so thankful.. Here I am with so much but not nearly as thankful as I should.

Chicken Serve serve

Please know that I’m not telling anyone what to do or judging just some advice from learning the hard way and what I hear when I talk to people. I love sex probably more than most and my past proves that. I wanted to change so much after my divorce and I was counseled and warned what sex can do to a new relationship.  And since my divorce I have had sex to fulfill a need. Im sorry I did it not being a jerk but the feelings that came with came from a place and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

Let me tell you what the world says. You need your need fulfilled, you have to know if your compatible sexually, if you’re not compatible then your relationship will end. Your going to feel much better after it happens. If they don’t like you after sex then that’s good you didn’t need them.

Let me be honest based on my experience, counseling and what my single guy and girl friends are saying. If one of you is crazy or both you can’t find that out if your physically tied together. Thats science not opinion. If you can wait it out you’ll find out if you really like them and not just the sex.  We all know sex dies down after a while and you better like them otherwise your done. Three friends from Friday and Saturday said. Everything was fine and they had sex and now their relationship is over. All relationships were at least 8 weeks old. Once sex happened it . Why because it feels random we don’t trust that person yet and we DON’T KNOW THEM. we start putting them into a certain bucket and its easier to empty the bucket and move on. Sex is so emotional and it can be great but it can hurt too and can stir up a lot of emotions we didn’t know we would have or thought we were done with.

I know this isn’t popular or something many will agree with, but prove me wrong. I actually had a girl call me gay because I turned her down. I’m glad I did because I got tot see her crazy. It’s not that I didn’t want to I was trying to show respect. She had never been turned down she said guys always say yes. I told her I’m trying to be different and Im sorry every guy did that. I asked her did you feel like every one of those guys liked you or used you. She said used and I said well at least you won’t feel that way about me.

Nothing can bring you together or tear you apart like sex. If you really like that person wait and why not. What if saving until you know your going to be together winds up being the best thing ever.  Im not saying I can do it but Im trying my hardest. When you’re a man if you can protect your lady from yourself and show her that you care more for her than her body I promise your relationship will be stronger and better for it.  Im waiting on the messages about you’re an idiot so come on and let me have it. I have big shoulders.





Letting Go

13 07 2014

Originally posted on Gabriel Lucatero Official Website:

letting go- gabriel lucatero

I have a bag on my shoulders. The invisible kind. The one nobody sees but we all know is there. The bag is packed with worries, ugly past memories, regrets and other things I don’t really need to carry. The bag is pulling me back. This burden doesn’t allow me to be the best that I can be. What to do then? Maybe letting go of everything is what I needed to do in order to succeed.

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Day 527 What is inner strength

9 07 2014

Never a dull moment in my life anymore. With my kids this week we are always on the go especially since its summer but the weeks off are even busier. Lots of positive changes on the way as well. My career was the last part of me that I worked on. I know I’m not defined by money or what I do so I put it on the back-burner. Its time and things are starting to fall in place. I hope I will listen to God and be patient.

Inner strength: Definition the quality or state of being strong; bodily, mentally, or muscular power; vigor. I was asked yesterday  what I thought. inner strength meant to me. I will start off saying that we all have it and are born with it. Sure it can be learned like anything but it’s there you just have to be able to train it. That is mostly done through trails and tribulations. You don’t have to dig down when life is going great. Gandi said- Strength does not come from winning. Struggles develop your strength. You go through struggles and decide not to surrender that is strength.  I more than anything its the NOT SURRENDER that is inner strength.We all get down, we may have a week, month or months but when we don’t surrender we are developing that strength. I would say  that many of the people in my life have developed so much inner strength it s impossible to find anymore but we all know better. I know 6 people who lost the inner strength battle and took their life. They are no less of people they just surrendered and sometimes that may feel the best thing to do. It’s not or will it ever be. If you surrender yourself with the right people they will never let you go down that road. Isolation is a killer in so many ways.Doing the “thing” that feels so hard to do is what you have to overcome to find your inner strength. You may not want to but you must.  When my friend asked me what it meant to me this is what I told her. 1. When my marriage was crumbling having the strength to step up and forgive and put my pride down to save my family. If I would have surrendered without a good fight how could I look my kids in the eyes. I damn sure had more moments of screw this but I did it. I’m so much better for it. 2. I forgave my dad,I was never going to I felt I had paid my dues but until the moment I knelt at his grave did I even to know what forgiveness was or how to have inner strength. 3. I lost everything in my life and I didn’t kill myself. The demons were pushing for it and I was ready but I fought that. Now I try to help others fight those demons so they can get to the best part of their life. You have no idea how many people need your story or my story to help save them from themselves. 4.  I forgave me. I hated me, every part of me. I didn’t see any good about me at all. I had a moment of hitting my knees and asked God to please let me forgive myself and it happened. I still struggle many days but it’s so much better and I get a ton of encouragement as well. Never give and fight your ass off because your worth it.








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